Our Gentiles

 A spider web covered in water droplets in downtown Everett.  It seems everything is covered in water these days...

Maybe I don’t have the strength
Maybe I don’t have the faith
You brought me here in 40 years
I know this trip should take a week
I’ve shed my tears and shed my blood
Been held ransom by the flood
The winter steals my songs away
In all of this I come undone

"You are Mine"  Enter the Worship Circle.  Chair and Microphone.

Recently I found myself asking the Lord who my Gentiles are.  If you aren't familiar with the Bible, this may not make a lot of sense to you.  The Apostle Paul determined after a period of his ministry that he had been sent to proclaim Jesus to the Gentiles instead of the Jews.

I have wrestled with this idea since moving to Everett.  Who was I sent to proclaim Jesus to?  Initially I believed that our ministry might be directly working with the homeless, but the Lord repeatedly showed me that this was not the case.  Is it people who are at their lowest point in life, drug or alcohol addicted and in despair?  There have been cases of working with such as these, but that door also has not flung open like I would have expected.  So who are our Gentiles?

Really this was a dumb question to ask, and sometimes I think the Father must quietly chuckle at my hard-headedness and blindness.  I have come to realize over the last 2 weeks that our Gentiles are kids.  In the midst of my wandering and questioning about who we are here to minister to, I often was wandering through a room full of noisy kids.  I kept thinking, "if it weren't for all of this noise I could actually think this thing through!"  And right in front of my nose our Gentiles were there waiting.

We were told yesterday that our home being a magnet for kids in the Pacific Northwest is an unusual thing.  I had no idea.  We regularly have 6-8 kids in our house when I get home from work, and sometimes 10.  Yes 5 of them are mine, but the other 5 are not, and they come from some very diverse and sometimes broken backgrounds.  So here the Lord has delivered a group of people to us who need Jesus, and for a time I have just ignored it.

Now that I know who our Gentiles are, I have discovered that I needed an attitude adjustment toward them.  My patience is frequently tested by these guys, but what they want is time with me!  They want to play and be rough and hurt each other (and particularly hurt me!) and laugh and scream.  So the Lord's response on my dangerous prayer for patience has been immediate.  Now when I come home I have at least one extra kid every day, and at least 1 extra kid to feed dinner to.  That may not be a big deal to you but it is a very big deal to me.  Many times I just want to come home and have a little peace and quiet.  Many times I want to look at our budget and proclaim that we can't keep feeding everyone who comes to our house.  But while I know I could control it and make immediate changes, I'm also aware by the Spirit of the Lord that I'm not supposed to do that.

And here is a great example of why spouses are important.  Amanda fills those gaps I have in patience, in hospitality, and in sensitivity.  Yes, I fill gaps she has too.  Filled gaps make for a good marriage.  I have her back and she has mine big-time.

Plans for the Gentiles

Next month we plan to begin an after-school ministry once per week at the boy's elementary school.  We'll play games with the kids that show up, do a little teaching about Jesus, play some more games and pray together.  I have heard that last year the PE coach agreed to be available after school with some games and balls and about 100 kids showed up to play.  God is doing something exciting here with kids, so we're going to join in the fray and just embrace it!

Our long-term goal will be to access the parents through the kids.  This will require long-term relationship building with the kids and the parents, but this kind of thing has been successful in the past.  But let's face it:  if the Lord isn't in it we won't have any level of success, and that has been a prayer of ours.  Please join us in praying that God would make His name great through this new activity!

Do Not Be Discouraged

 This was a picture I took on one of my recent morning runs.  It is largely symbolic of our experience in Everett.  Darkness almost everywhere with some bright lights to light the way through the fog.

If you've followed this blog for any length of time you know that my own emotions have ebbed and flowed since moving here.  I've tried to be transparent on this for two reasons.  First I want the Lord to be glorified in what changes He's making to me.  Second, some of you may be walking through life with similar struggles and maybe these stories will speak to you.  The Lord can use a donkey to speak truth, so he can use me and this blog too!

My ongoing struggle as a new church planter is with all of the voices in my ear telling me what they think I need to do.  All of them are well-meaning and many of them speak from experience.  Some ask good questions that I have too, and some voice opinions regarding our next steps.  While I like listening to what others think and do believe the Lord can speak through them, I have found a very disconcerting pattern recently in that many of the voices have introduced confusion and dismay for me and Amanda.

Here are some of the questions and comments we have entertained in the last month:

• Seems strange to plant a church right here.  There are a bunch of other churches around you!
• Have you ever considered going on staff with another church rather than starting a new one?
• You're going to need a coach to help you clarify your vision.
• You don't need a coach to clarify your vision.  The Lord can do that for you.
• You need funding.
• You don't need funding.
• You should really reconsider being full-time in ministry.  Where will your time come from?
• You should be bivocational.  That's the only way this thing will work financially.
• Why leave EFC?  Isn't God doing things there too?
• Didn't you say you'd be doing things with the homeless? 

Over time these well-meaning questions have really started to get to me.  It isn't that I'm upset with the people who ask them.  In fact, I've asked myself these very same things and can give a semi-coherent answer to each one of them.   I think many of them are asked so that I can clarify in my own mind what the Lord is telling me.  However, at the same time I also know that we face an enemy who would love nothing more than to introduce confusion, delay, frustration, and despair.  The pattern I'm noticing seems to fit that mold.

I found myself in one of those extended down periods this week where I question why we are here.  I'm supposed to have the answers and sometimes I don't!  I'm supposed to be a leader who has a crystal clear vision and a slick advertisement for it that I can speak to, but I don't!  Therefore, I must be a failed leader altogether.

Thankfully we have a God who can reach through the fog of our hearts, a God who sees us for who we are and who we are going to be.  We have a God who cares deeply for our very souls and wants us to follow Him on paths that don't make sense to the world and paths that are narrow and obscured by thorns and briars.

During my quiet time I tend to read passages from 2-3 separate books of the Bible and look for patterns.  In the patterns and repetition the Lord tends to speak.  Here's what God told me during quiet time earlier this week.  See if you can see the pattern that I did.

 Joshua 1

⁶ “Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. ⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. ⁸ Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. ⁹ This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 41

⁸ “But as for you, Israel my servant,
    Jacob my chosen one,
    descended from Abraham my friend,
⁹ I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
    saying, ‘You are my servant.’
For I have chosen you
    and will not throw you away.
¹⁰ Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Did you see it?  "Do not be discouraged.  I am with you."

He didn't tell me it would be easy, or that we'd be massively successful, or that leaders would catch the vision and join us, or that we'd have much rest, or that the Pacific Northwest would finally turn to the Lord for good.  What He did say is that His presence would be there with me, and that He's here now.  This is the Leader I follow.  This is the God I love, but with love that He gave me first...by His choice!

The enemy sometimes whispers in my ear that I'm no good and can't do it.  I sometimes believe that the Lord is angry with me or that I've disappointed Him long-term and don't get it.  In those times, if I will just stop and listen, I'll hear that voice encouraging me on, telling me that I am loved and valued and cherished.  I look up in the darkness to see that bright light shining on the path and hear the voice saying once again "go this way!"  This God doesn't lead people to dead-ends, and He doesn't stop loving.  Ever.   

When you look at us you will see many things that don't make sense.

No seminary training or professional ministry experience.

Living in a neighborhood with other churches meeting in our area.

Offers of employment at local churches turned down only because I sensed it wasn't the way to go.

Moving here without a plan other than to say God led us here.

Moving here without a place to live initially.

Picking a community to live in based upon the job that is offered to me.

No leadership team that moved here with us.

Leaving a church here that has a strengthening ministry just because we sense something more ahead in our neighborhood.

But then I realize God has a pattern of doing things that don't make a lot of sense to we humans:

• Asking his "friend" Abraham to sacrifice his son, the very son that He had promised to him for many years.
• The Savior being born to a virgin.
• God calling and using Gideon, a coward who was in hiding, to be his instrument for delivering freedom to Israel.
• Delivering Israel from the Egyptians by having them walk through the parted waters of the Red Sea.
• Taking one of the greatest threats to Christianity (Paul) and repurposing him to proclaim the Gospel to the Gentile world.
• Taking the expected King who would set us all free and usher in a new kingdom and killing Him.

I could list these things endlessly today but it isn't necessary.  Read what the Bible says and you'll see the pattern:  the Lord's ways don't make sense to man.  Strangely this brings comfort to me because we are on a path that absolutely makes no sense.  Could it be that this is in fact the path that the Lord wants us on?  I think the answer is yes.

If you are down as I have been, searching for meaning and answers from the Lord, my prayer for you today is that you will be encouraged and find the Lord in the midst of it all.  

 

Limitless

 A sidewalk on Grand Avenue Park in Everett as the sun sets.  Once again this picture is quite symbolic of where we are now.  The compass represents the fact that we could literally go in any direction at this moment.  Which direction will the Lord take us?

I'm finally getting to enjoy a quieter season of life while off work for a couple of weeks on top of backing out of leadership at EFC.  We're now back to waiting on God, which is not a bad place to be except if you are wired like I am.  That of course is exactly why God has me wait so often, to remind me of His sovereignty in my life and over everything around me.  He doesn't need me to make some effort on my own apart from Him, because it will fail and will exhaust me.  He didn't need the Israelites to take the Promised Land either.  In fact, He set it up so that they would fail if they tried to do it on their own, and fail they did!

I feel over the last few weeks that God has been challenging me to ask Him for things that are huge for this new ministry we are beginning.  Things that are God-sized and not man-sized.  Things that will fail if only I am in it but will prosper if only He is in it.  Things that will show our community that there is a living God, only one, and that He cares for them.

Isaiah 7:10-14New Living Translation (NLT)

The Sign of Immanuel

¹⁰ Later, the Lord sent this message to King Ahaz: ¹¹ “Ask the Lord your God for a sign of confirmation, Ahaz. Make it as difficult as you want—as high as heaven or as deep as the place of the dead.^[a]”

¹² But the king refused. “No,” he said, “I will not test the Lord like that.”
¹³ Then Isaiah said, “Listen well, you royal family of David! Isn’t it enough to exhaust human patience? Must you exhaust the patience of my God as well? ¹⁴ All right then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin^[b] will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’).

My main problem has been determining what I should ask of the Lord.  Don't get me wrong, I never believe we should treat Him like some kind of glorified genie.  God wants a relationship with us first, and there are times when He glorifies himself by taking very visible actions that remind us that He is God!

The Seattle Space Needle reflected in the EMP Museum in downtown Seattle.

One of my big concerns over the last month has been in recruiting leaders to come work with our new church.  Immediate needs include a children's pastor and a worship leader, but we also need a few families to uproot themselves and come to work with us here, discipling people along the way as they work and live life here.  So far we have had no individuals drop out of the sky or show up on our doorstep, so it is easy for doubt to creep in and begin thinking that it won't happen.  This week during my doubts God showed me how big He really is.

I was at work this Thursday and had gone to meet with a friend over lunch.  Upon returning I saw a post-it note on my computer with a Houston phone number on it and a name I'd never seen.  It simply said "calling from Houston-ask me about this."  I turned to my coworker to inquire about it, and her eyes lit up.  

"I felt like I was talking to you!", she said.  "This person on the phone said she lives in Houston and feels 'called' to come to Everett.  She's never been here and doesn't know anyone who lives here.  She has questions about enrolling her kids in school and I figured who better to tell her about that than you!"

I was really curious at this point so I took my personal cell phone with me to make a call in one of our meeting rooms.  When the woman picked up, I explained that I worked for Everett Public Schools and was returning her call regarding enrolling her children in school.  She then proceeded to explain that she felt "called" to come to Everett.  Taking a risk, I stopped her and asked "please elaborate for me.  What do you mean you feel called?"

She then explained that God had shown her family that they were supposed to move to Everett.  She wasn't sure why, but proceeded to name multiple things that had told her that God was in it.  I listened and then had an opportunity to tell her that the exact thing had happened to us 13 months ago, and that we'd come to be church planters in Everett.  She admitted this was not why she was coming to Everett, but was intrigued by the idea and admitted she had no idea about the spiritual darkness here in the Pacific Northwest.  I made sure she had my number so she could call back with further questions and we parted ways.

Now here's the part where God taught me a lesson.  In talking to my colleagues who have desks around me, this initial phone call had been bounced around a lot.  The woman had originally called our main number.  The normal receptionist was on a break so the fill-in person routed the call to the proper person, who also was not at her desk.  So the call came back to the receptionist's desk who, now confused, routed it to a person in my area of the building.  However, this person, while available, didn't have the information the woman needed and forwarded the call to someone in my department.  At that point, after she heard the story, she insisted that the woman talk to me.  I was the 5th desk this call had been routed to.

I have no idea whether we will encounter this family in the future or not, and that's actually not the point.  What I took from this was that God was giving me a personal tutorial on sovereignty.  I have believed for too long that I needed to initiate things like this, reach out to the right people, and make things happen.  

I heard God say, "Paul, that call was randomly routed 4 times before it came to you, and I made that happen.  It was easy, and it was planned.  I am aware of what you need and am in control.  You don't need to worry." 

 2 Kings 6:13-17New Living Translation (NLT)

¹³ “Go and find out where he is,” the king commanded, “so I can send troops to seize him.”
And the report came back: “Elisha is at Dothan.” ¹⁴ So one night the king of Aram sent a great army with many chariots and horses to surround the city.
¹⁵ When the servant of the man of God got up early the next morning and went outside, there were troops, horses, and chariots everywhere. “Oh, sir, what will we do now?” the young man cried to Elisha.
¹⁶ “Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!” ¹⁷ Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.

I shouldn't be surprised by this, but still I am.  I'm amazed at what God can do.  There is no one like Him.  We are resolved to continue praying over the future and leaving it to Him.

 A snowy scene near Stevens Pass in the Cascade Mountain range.

A Bold Move

 

Frozen water on a rain channel coming off of our roof.  Recently we had a major cold front that kept us below freezing for many days, and we had our first snow.

 

One year ago on December 5th, I arrived in Portland, Oregon with my truck, some clothes, and a bunch a junk in a trailer I had just towed for 2,200 miles.  I had responded to a call to come to the Pacific Northwest to plant churches and live as a missionary with my family.  I had a job in Everett, Washington that started that very day, but we had not sold our house in Houston, we didn't know anybody in Everett, we had no plan, no place to live, and were living on money the Lord provided us during that time.

I'm sometimes amazed looking back.  What was it that made us so sure that this was the thing to do?  Had God really spoken to me and Amanda?  Yes.  Did He tell us what to do now?  Yes.  Did he tell us what would happen in a month, 3 months, or 1 year.  No, although we did ask.  He showed us just what we needed to see at that moment.  That's how the Father has worked in our lives, because I believe if we knew the details of what would be happening, we'd turn away in fear.

I have heard from so many people during this last year who have said that we inspired them to do something new for the Lord in their life.  Praise God!  I never imagined that would happen, but I now see that stepping out in faith can move others to action as well and tell them about this Jesus that we serve.  It is an unexpected testimony in the midst of just trying to figure it all out.

You can read the story of this journey in my November and December 2013 posts on this blog.

The Rest of the Story

So I must confess that I've held a lot back from all of you over the last 3 months, and it's time to tell you what has really been going on.  We are officially going to move forward to plant a church in north Everett, somewhere in our neighborhood south of downtown.  This actually goes back to August of this year after we had finished the mission trip with Humble Area's First Baptist Church.  I managed to reconnect with Seattle Church Planting and got signed up to attend their week-long Church Planter Basic Training.  I figured I could at least get this out of the way and figure out next steps after that.  During that time, I began praying for the Lord to very specifically answer a request of mine to show us that He wanted us to move forward.  Within 2 months, the prayer was answered in that very specific way (this doesn't surprise me anymore.  Praise the living God!) and I had a clear indication that now is the time.

The implications for us are pretty immediate.  We will begin transitioning out of leadership at EFC, meaning I will no longer share in the teaching rotation with Mike and that we will no longer be Community Pastors in the church.  This is a difficult but necessary thing to do because our focus must now be on our neighborhood and north Everett in general.  

Our intent is not to plant off of EFC because this new church is going to have to be different from EFC, not because EFC is doing something wrong but because north Everett itself is in need of a different kind of church.  EFC is a 15 minute drive from our house and is in more of a suburban setting, while north Everett is the city's core.  You'll find that even a 5 minute walk in this area takes you to areas that are extremely different economically, socially, and culturally.

The beauty of all of this is that Mike and the other Community Pastors are in full support of us taking this leap of faith.  Our experience over the last 2 months has not been without many tears though.  It's hard to back away from a church family that has loved and embraced us from day 1 in Everett.  Probably within a period of months, we will no longer attend EFC at all.

This leaves us with a lot of excitement about the future but a lot of nervousness as well.  We are sailing directly into waters that are uncharted for us.  We have a vision for this new ministry, a name for the church, and a timeline for development, but we still don't have all of the leadership team in place and have no clear idea on what the next 12 months will look like.  But when you think about it, that's really no different than any other part of this journey we have been on. 

Three Immediate Challenges
We face three immediate challenges as a new church plant and are wrestling with each of them right now.  The first challenge involves how this church will be structured.  I believe we will be a different kind of church in how we focus our efforts.  Yes, we will have large-group gatherings and we will also have small-group gatherings.  What I see most American churches doing is focusing all of their energies into the large group experience, which has created an enormous problem of disobedience in discipleship for most church attendees.  What I have seen and even done myself in these situations is invite people to church in the hope that they will actually come and hear a message that will change their life.  But I'm not delivering that message to them myself because I'm "not qualified," but the pastor is an eloquent speaker so he MUST be able to get through to them.  This also explains why movies such as "Passion of the Christ" and "Exodus" are or will be popular as an outreach event for so many churches.  We like to think we can place people in front of the right speaker or message and they will automatically believe.  But we have to look at the results we are getting with that approach.  In response, in my mind, we must be a church of disciples who make disciples, walking with people in the mess of their lives and trying to bring them to healing in Jesus.  That involves the pastor, the staff, and every single member of the church.  And this must be a central part of our culture.

The second problem is with staffing.  What people will we need on staff to be an effective church?  One thing I see is that God is doing unbelievable things in kids here, so we have to focus a lot of our efforts on kids.  Second, I see the need for a quality worship pastor which in part is the practical thing for us to do.  I have no musical talent whatsoever!

The third challenge we face is in funding this new effort.  I have had a full range of emotions on this subject which go from me wanting to be in full-time ministry all the way to me being fully bivocational and self-supporting our family.  I'm thinking right now we will stick with a bivocational model for myself and everyone else on staff at the church.  What I have seen since moving here is that it is very difficult to get a church with a traditional church model to the point where it is truly self-sustaining.  People don't give and attendance numbers are low when compared to churches in the South.  This causes the pastors to focus a lot of attention on just getting people to come in the hope that they will stay and give, and in turn creates an environment in which success is defined as church attendance and budget.  Yet when I read the New Testament I see Jesus' definition of success as someone who knows Him completely.  He never was interested in attendance numbers since He had the ability to see in the heart.

 

The lamppost in our front yard with Everett in the background.  This is a constant reminder to us to let our light shine before men.  If you've read The Chronicles of Narnia- The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, you will get another view of the significance of the lamppost to us.

 We will see what God does with all three of these challenges.  We are praying over all three, and are praying specifically for the future children's and worship pastors, that they would hear God and be willing to follow Him to the Pacific Northwest to join in the work that He is already doing.  The more time I spend here, the more I realize it has nothing to do with what I initiate.  Instead it has to do with what the Spirit initiates and with our sensitivity and obedience to recognize and follow Him.  

Praise God, who has a plan and invites us to come along in the adventure!

Making Disciples

 Thank the Lord we have had really beautiful weather over the last week here in western Washington.  The sky has been crystal clear and blue, the sun has been shining brightly, and the days have been very cold.  We have regularly dropped into the 20's at night and the days struggle to get out of the 30's.  The mountains have started to pick up snow again and all is again beautiful in the area.

There is a lot that has been going on in the background over the last few weeks since our church planter training, but I won't get into that just yet.  I continue to have this internal battle every day asking myself if I've done everything the Lord asked me to do.  That's a really hard thing that not all of my Christian friends here understand.  The only way I can explain it is that when you've put aside your life and moved your family across the country because the King asked you to, you always have this pressure to make every minute count.  Add to that my nature that is bent on taking action and you have a recipe for anxiety, which I have experienced to a high degree lately.  Unfortunately much of this pressure comes from myself, and what I am finding is that Jesus wants me to bring these tensions and anxieties to Him.

Lately at EFC I have had the privilege of teaching on the Exodus, specifically focusing on the life of Moses.  I have long said that I am the main beneficiary of teaching because it forces me to study hard and pray over what I'm teaching on.  In doing this with Moses I have gained a fresh understanding of this man of God and what he was about.  Like me, you might have read many commentaries on his life and absorbed much of what the writer saw in the life of Moses, and there are many good things to note.  My takeaway from it was pretty simple though.  For much of his journey that he was on, Moses was alone and incapable of doing the job on his own.  If you read through just the first 7 chapters of Exodus you will see a man who was given a very specific task by God himself, but who wrestled with that task and many times came back to God and asked Him to just find someone else for the job.  Moses had many doubts and many doubting moments, but the best thing he did was to always take it back to the Lord himself.

This has been a huge piece of learning for me.  I tend to talk with Amanda about burdens I'm bearing, but so many times she is helpless to do anything about them.  Sometimes even talking about them with her raises her anxiety level to the level that mine is, and that isn't fair.  I don't detect that Moses did that.  You notice every time something happened that was difficult, when people turned their backs on him and questioned his call, when he was scared or feeling helpless, he always came back to God with it.  Notice also what God's reaction to this was.  God didn't fry him with a lightning bolt, set him on fire, or drive him into the wilderness to be abandoned. God listened to him and responded very specifically to what he was saying.  But God didn't let Moses go back to his former life or let him off the hook. 

So I too am learning to take these anxieties to the Lord himself.  I have had many frank and honest prayers with him in the last few weeks.  Several times I have even asked the Lord why He didn't just leave me alone and not call me here to Washington.  Those are the intense and raw prayers, and the Lord has been so faithful and patient with me even in those times.  He hasn't whisked me back to the life we used to have because I'm convinced He doesn't want that for us.  He wants to change us so we can be instruments in changing others here.  It always starts with us first though.

Opportunities to Disciple
Over the last two weeks I've reconnected with a couple of guys here who I've been out of touch with for quite a while.  They both are dealing with their own issues daily and at times have surrendered to those to their own detriment.  The blessing for me has been in spending time with them talking about their walk with the Lord.  One has not allowed Jesus into his heart yet but is interested in what the Christian life offers, although he struggles to lay down his life for Jesus.  Another professes to know Jesus but is struggling in sin.  Both of these guys have said they are interested in meeting regularly for discipleship.  This is a GREAT thing!

I have come to realize that I have taken too lightly Jesus's command to "go and make disciples."  As someone who grew up in church culture, I believed often that it was about getting someone across the line to pray the "sinner's prayer" to accept Jesus into their heart.  After that, who cares?  They're saved, right?  Now I'm seeing firsthand the effects of that kind of thinking.  We have tons of people here who believe they are Christians but who produce no fruit.  We have supposed Christians who continually struggle with the same sins habitually who believe that simply asking forgiveness is good enough to get them right with God so they can keep doing what they were doing.  They are slaves to a terrible master who is bent on their destruction.

 And when I look for freedom he puts more chains on me,
Strangles my hope so that I live like a zombie,
What masters house can this be, that when I look for freedom he still deceives me?
If there’s a God I screamed, “Answer me!”
I didn’t expect an answer to be received...

-Josh Garrels, Sisu, Album:  Over the Oceans

Luke 15:  ¹⁰ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

In fact, if you care to look it up, Jesus said over and over and over again that we must repent of our sins.  Asking forgiveness for them and repenting from them are two very different things, yet church culture often just focuses on asking forgiveness.  It is entirely possible that many who have said the "sinner's prayer" will not wind up in Heaven  because they didn't do it from the heart.  They were just uttering words of a magic formula.

Matthew 7:21-23New International Version (NIV)

True and False Disciples

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

Like many Christians, I have been disobedient to make disciples.  I thought that was for someone else to do, like the missionaries in other countries.  However that command applies to all Christians and that is job number 1 while we are on this earth.  In not doing that, I have disobeyed.

I have been praying for people who want to be discipled and now have had 2 step forward.  What a rich blessing this is!  This is an opportunity to walk together with another person in their struggles and in my own, while both of us walk toward the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.  Salvation is a process that only begins with a person inviting Jesus into their heart.

In a nutshell, that's what we are seeking to do here in western Washington.  We want to be disciples who make disciples.  We want to train those around us so they can do the same with others in their circles.  It really isn't complicated, but it is messy, and that's why so many in church culture don't get involved like this.  It is a lot more comfortable to stay behind my own four walls, or to stay behind the four walls of the church on Sunday, and to leave other people's lives to themselves because "their life is their own."  I'll have more thoughts on this in a future post.

For now, we'll be making some big announcements in the next few weeks, so stay tuned.  God is moving us forward on the plan that He had for us all along.  It is an exciting and anxiety-inducing time for our family.  Please be in prayer for us and for the ministry here.

Church Planter Training

 

Another great sunrise over the Cascade Mountains.

Fall has officially come to Seattle, and the rain has increased.  The mountains are starting to pick up some snow and our days are very gray of late.  People on the streets are scarce as the temperatures have cooled a lot and people want to stay inside where it is dry.  Days are now less than 10 hours long and we will soon have only 8 ours of light.  

It's interesting that the change in seasons is accompanied by changes in moods.  While we used to be able to enjoy sunrises and sunshine all day every day, now moods are darker.  Many attribute these changes to the psychological state of mankind, who needs sunshine and human companionship.  What isn't acknowledged always is the darkness of the spiritual realm here.  The enemy doesn't want people to know about Jesus.  The enemy wants to muddy the water of spiritual things by dividing people into groups, with some following one line of thought and others following a different one.  The tragedy is that there is only one way, and few people here have found Him.  

Matthew 7:13-14New Living Translation (NLT)

¹³ “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell^[a] is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. ¹⁴ But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.

Last week we were privileged to go to a church planter training in Lynnwood that was put on by Seattle Church Planting.  This is the same conference that we got to attend for 2 hours last year when I came back to Seattle for my job interview and eventual hire in Everett.  This time, however, I took most of the week off from that job so that I could learn how to plant a church.

We were joined that week by Rick Whitaker, missions pastor of Humble Area’s First Baptist Church.  This was yet another tangible expression of their level of support for us and for the calling God has placed on our hearts to come here to Everett.  Rick has been a friend for a long time and it was especially fun to have him in our home for the week, catching up on events from his recent mission trips.

The boys were particularly interested in hearing about how people in the jungles of Peru eat grub worms for a meal.  Rick showed them pictures and a video of the mission team cooking and eating these critters. 

The training itself was very good and very overwhelming.  I was confronted each day with the fact that I’ve never been down this road before and am walking blindly forward in a human sense.  Fortunately for me, Jesus continues to lead the way.  My discomfort with all of this comes from the realization that leading and leadership in God’s kingdom is opposite of what we see in the world.  The world says you can only take someone down a path that you yourself have traveled before.  Nope.  The world says that leaders need to be out in front, confident, secure, and have worked extremely hard to get to where you are.  While I am out in front, I admit to lacking confidence at times, and the only reason I’m in this position is because God has brought our family to this point.  While some of you may read that as a bad thing or may be tempted to think that what I’m describing is something you should feel sorry about, I can tell you that God is in control of this thing.  What you are witnessing is His remaking of a person, which often turns them and everything they think they knew completely upside down.

I left last week’s training with a long list of things to do to prepare to launch a church in north Everett.  On the surface those things seem overwhelming because the list is so very long and time is so very short.  In the still, quiet moments with he Lord I feel Him telling me to simply follow, to do the tasks that I am given right now, and to trust Him to make it work out in the end.  There is genuine peace for me in that kind of approach.  Let’s face it, God doesn’t need my particular skill-set to accomplish what He has set out to do in Everett.  He can do it with our without me.  The only concern I have is what degree of surrender I have to His will.  That doesn’t make a lot of sense in earthly terms, but makes perfect sense in His kingdom.

Our immediate tasks for now involve deciding on a name for this new church, developing and refining the vision and values of it, and continuing to be out in the neighborhood and schools to connect with people and see what God does.

Family Fall Festival
Last week ended on a good ministry note with our participation in the EFC Family Fall Festival at Family Tree Apartments.  All of us got costumes on and went to Family Tree to play games with kids, eat candy, and enjoy a good time together.  This is yet another way that EFC reaches out to families at the apartment, and we were able to connect again with many people that we have not seen in a while.

 

In private, I continue to go through days of great encouragement and other days of wrestling with the Lord.  I am so fortunate at work to have the ability to stop what I'm doing and pray, which is really what I need to be doing above all things right now.  At work there is a current push called "Walktober" which is an initiative to get people up and walking rather than sitting at their desk all day.  I have used this to go prayer walk on the city streets during lunch breaks, and to just take a few private minutes to walk with the Lord and talk to Him.  He is forcing me to confront inner selfishness that still remains, and I'm bringing to him my huge feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy, and fear of the future.  I've been told recently that we as a family stepped out in faith just by agreeing to come here, and that is true.  Our next moves will be an even bigger stepping out in faith as we consider when to officially start the church, what it will look like, and what we spend our days doing.  And even as we consider those things in the future, our God is already preparing us right now for the work.  Truly we are blessed to be on such a great adventure with Him.

One Year In: Perspective in Layers

As promised, I wanted to look back over the last year to show you, with amazement, what God has done in our lives over this time.  At times Amanda and I feel like things are going so slowly.  We want more ministry and want to impact more people for Jesus, but it doesn’t seem to happen at the pace we desire.  When we step back, however, we more clearly see what the Lord has done and how much He really has accomplished.

Layer 1:  Edwards Family

One year ago at this time, I had received a call from a school district in Everett, Washington regarding a job interview.  I had been in prayer since returning from Seattle in early August that the Lord Himself would pick my future job.  I agreed to only apply for jobs and wait.  I would know He had picked the city for us when I would get the call that they wanted to hire me.  My faith was simple and solid:  if he can resurrect from the dead, He can certainly cause me to get, or not to get a job.

If you followed this blog early on, you may know how things transpired from this point.  The district wanted to interview me over Skype only to learn that I had already planned on coming back to Seattle on the very week they were interviewing.  I already had my plane ticket, purchased more than a month before when our plan was simply to return to Seattle to see the area and get more ideas on where the Lord was moving.

As a family we had talked about the idea of moving to Seattle.  Amanda and I had sat with the boys to talk about the possibility of God moving us to Seattle to tell others about Jesus.  I remember that we had the most support from Elijah, Isaiah, and Josiah, and that makes a lot of sense.  They have experienced nothing but change in their life and are used to it, having had to hop among 5 foster homes.  Samuel and Zachary were a bit more reluctant since they loved their family and friends in Houston and were trying to imagine the idea of leaving them.  We talked with them about this and they quickly came around to the idea that Seattle might actually be what is best for our family.

Layer 2:  Everett, Washington at Everett Family Church

On a totally related note, it is important to know what was going on in Everett at the time of this phone call.  The pastors of Everett Family Church were meeting to discern whether EFC should remain open or close forever.  The church had reached a crossroads in commitment from its members and enthusiasm was waning.  They met together one night and Mike asked the team whether they thought EFC should close.  Some were for it and others were not.  Those opposed seemed to have this undefinable idea that God wasn’t finished with EFC yet.  They prayed for direction and for people who would come to help in their ministry.

Remember that we didn’t know anyone at EFC at the time and we didn’t even know it existed.

Layer 2:  Summer Creek High School

At work during this time I was totally lost.  I had lost all will to continue doing what I had been doing.  Having had the curtain pulled back on what life is all about, I now realized that the entire kingdom I had built with my career and specifically at Summer Creek High School was worthless and useless.  Why continue building a sandcastle that would ultimately be washed away in a wave, signifying nothing of eternal significance?  I loved the people I worked with every day, I just no longer cared for the work itself.  I was so torn in my heart, knowing that God would soon be taking us away from everything we knew to experience everything He had for us.  Many questions.  No answers.  

Here’s an excerpt from my personal journal, written on September 28, 2013.

I found myself to be tired and discouraged this week.  While I still felt God’s presence and worshipped Him all week, I just wasn’t seeing much fruit.  I longed for spiritual conversations, salvation for others, and change, but I would just look up to see myself in the midst of my daily work.  That was tough.

In the end, I found that I was tired.  Very, very tired.  I continue to wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes at 2:15, 3:15, or 4:15 and am unable to go  back to sleep.  Whil e I am super-excited about Seattle, I am missing a lot of sleep.  On Wednesday, I was just exhausted.  I felt “fuzzy” on the rain.  I wasn’t alert and couldn’t think clearly.  I had a normal day at work, but that combined with the assessments I took for the North American Mission Board just took it out of me.  I decided to quit working and watched some Myth Busters instead.  I almost felt as though I should apologize to God for it, but in doing that I was overcome with a significant sense of His love.  I believe He really wanted me to stop and rest, and truthfully I haven’t done that in a long time.  When I search the Bible, I consider Elijah who ran into the wilderness 100 miles to escape Jezebel.  He fell asleep and God woke him, providing food and water.  God told him to eat because the journey was too much for him.  God knows what we need.  I believe He doesn’t want us to work 24/7 because He knows we need rest and are more effective for Him if we have rested.  He is incredible.

The job I applied for in Everett has been reposted.  Still waiting.

Layer 3:  A Replacement

Though I was in despair and had no idea in October of 2013 when God would bring us to Washington, he had already begun moving people into place who would replace me.  One of the most significant of those moves involved the district moving an associate principal from another high school over to my building.  She was equal in position to me.  The circumstances involving her move to us were beyond her control and initially we were in this awkward place of working together while occupying the same position.  However, it dawned on me pretty quickly that what God had really done was to provide my replacement  at work prior to me actually leaving.  It was as though He sat me down at a table face to face to look me in the eye, stating “Paul, I have a plan for you.  When it becomes apparent to you what I have done, you will be amazed.  As a start I have already put your replacement in place at work.  I can take you to Washington at any moment.” 

That sent shivers down my spine and still does to this day. I remember talking privately with her and suggesting that her story might just wind up being that of a modern day Joseph from the Bible.  In a 20 year period Joseph went from favorite son to slave in Egypt, servant in a house, jail inmate, and finally to second in command of Egypt.  I can confidently say that the Lord used this situation to look out for both of us with equal care.  His strategy and planning were without equal. 

Genesis 50:

¹⁹ But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. ²¹ No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.”

Now I examine where we are one year removed from these events.  I am a Community Pastor, regular preacher, street evangelist, mission team leader, and church planter.  A year ago I was a Sunday School teacher, deacon, and associate principal at a high school.  What a year!  What a God!

I hope this slice of our story brings you some encouragement.  Perhaps you are in a place where you just can’t figure out where God is taking you.  Maybe you have been waiting on him to move you to something greater for a while now and can’t figure out what that thing is.  Our story should show you that God hasn’t forgotten you and isn’t surprised by your circumstances.  He has you exactly where He wants you at this moment, and He can literally turn your entire life upside down in a matter of months.  He may already be moving in situations and “layers” behind the scenes on your behalf.  While the picture is blurry or completely dark to you, it is active and crystal clear to Him.  What He wants is you.  His love for you is passionate, limitless, priceless, and everlasting, no matter what you have done or not done in your life.  Surrender everything to Him and see what He does in that.

Confessions of the Unqualified

I continue to be amazed at the swift change in seasons here in Western Washington.  Only one month ago the sun was coming up around 6am and would set around 8pm.  Now, it comes up around 7:15 am and sets at 6:45pm.  Over the next month we will lose another 2 hours of daylight as the clouds continue their steady march back into the skies here.  Winter is coming.  On top of that, our clear weather is gradually giving way to fog that lasts for half the day, and the rain has been on the increase since fall officially started in mid-September.

As daylight hours have disappeared so have the people.  There are not nearly as many people out on the streets now as there were a month ago.  Over the last few weeks I have taken several opportunities to go out on the streets during my lunch break at work to pray and see if I can talk to anyone.  For the last several weeks I have had no encounters with anyone.  This initially is hard for me because I have always had this sense that I need to be talking to everyone I can about Jesus, but that thinking really diminishes who God is and what prayer is about.  It diminishes God because I have said before that I believe He can control conversations I have or don't have on the street.  If I am saying in my mind that I haven't "accomplished" anything when I don't get to talk to someone, I'm saying that, even though God was at work with me, it wasn't good enough.  I'm learning that sometimes He draws me to the streets to pray for the city and for areas of the city.  This mindset also connects to a poor view of prayer.  Prayer is never wasted time and it does have results as the person who prays gets to talk directly to God.  I have seen my own prayers get answered over and over again here in very specific ways, so it is clear this is not wasted time.

 In talking to people at EFC I found this week that so many of them were burdened with depression in some form, or were carrying burdens that they are struggling to bear.  This has hit our family as well.  While most people point to the weather as the cause, and it definitely is a factor, there is something more to it.  Spiritual opposition and oppression is significant here.

The Bible describes in Daniel chapter 10 what happened "behind the curtain" when Daniel prayed to God.

Daniel 10

12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13 But for twenty-one days the spirit prince[c] of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels,[d] came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.[e] 14 Now I am here to explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns a time yet to come.”

While I am not the type of person who believes that there are demons behind every corner and tree, I do know they are real.  I can't describe the sense one gets while on the streets here, sometimes on particular blocks or specific areas of the city, but it is almost as though evil is right there in that place.  For many years, the Pacific Northwest has experienced significant oppression at the hands of these forces of evil.  But God is here, and He is stronger.

I mention this partly because of some moments recently where we as a family were feeling a sense of suffocation and pressure.  At the same time, I have been praying a lot more and in a lot more places in our city.  I know that's what God wants, but as I am learning firsthand, prayer isn't just words muttered to the air.  It is actually in many cases is engaging in a very real spiritual battle.  Just as engaging in a literal battle with a sword or shield would be exhausting, I have found that prayer can feel the same way.  I don't mean that I feel drained after prayer, but I sense resistance to it that is intangible.

Artwork on a sidewalk near a local bus stop.  This truly captures the feeling many people here have about what the good life is all about.  That kind of deception is powerful in this place.

The other big work that I find myself doing these days has to do with pastoring.  I have shifted my own mindset and now see our community group as a little church.  We have a great group of people from all over north Everett including neighbors and others who live within about 2 miles of us.  I pray for these folks daily and am really trying to keep up with the guys each week by at least talking to them on the phone or going to lunch.  This is particularly difficult with men because they all have jobs just like I do, and when they get home they take care of their own kids just like I do.  Keeping up with them and spending time with them will be an ongoing challenge, but this work is so worthwhile!  I am hoping over time that we are able to develop discipleship between us, and I believe that is already happening to a degree.  We're now beyond small talk and in some cases are getting into sharing our current burdens and stressors.  Discipleship is the thing that the global Church doesn't do very well these days, but it is the one thing we can do that brings everybody closer to the Lord.  This church that the Lord helps us to build here will be a discipling church.

One thing that will separate this church from others is in how we view the role of "pastoring" and discipleship.  While I love visiting people, keeping up with their lives, visiting hospital rooms, etc, I don't see anywhere in scripture where these things are limited to pastors in the church.  We all are supposed to be doing these things because of our love for each other.  I hope to instill that value in our church plant quickly.  Pastoring isn't just for pastors.  Missions work isn't just for missionaries.  We are all pastors and missionaries.

What Faith Now Means to Me

As the Lord brings us closer to His purpose for us here in Everett, He is grinding us down.  You may read that and immediately think of that in the negative, and it certainly hurts.  But God knows that if we are to fulfill His purpose here in Everett, we can't be the same people who moved from Huffman, Texas.  Pride must go.  Self-sufficiency must be laid to rest.  In their place, love must grow.  In this area that is so cynical about religion in general and Christianity in particular, the thing that will change people is real love.

This may sound funny but over the last few weeks I have finally come to the conclusion that I can't do this.  I am not equipped or prepared to be a pastor to anyone.  I am not patient, not always kind, and don't always love people regardless of the situation.  I can be fickle and moody and selfish and rude.  If you were to go out among churches and try to identify people who would be the best candidates to plant churches in the Pacific Northwest, I would not stand among them.

My conclusion, however, has come with the opposing realization that God can.  I think it is entirely possible that He is putting the old Paul to death so that a new Paul can be born, one that is good for His use.   Think about it:  if I am incapable of doing this work, and yet it still happens, who gets the glory for the work?  God, and that is as it should be.  I was asked this week what my vision of a Paul Edwards church is.  I knew the answer immediately.  I don't want any part of a Paul Edwards church!  Nationwide there are too many examples of "fill in the blank with person's name" Church, and they all are nothing but monuments to the ego of the pastor.  Instead, we must be about lifting Jesus up and bringing people to Him by being pipelines for love.

The U.S.S Nimitz at sunset.   This is an interesting contrast when you think about it.  The beauty of God's creation in the background.  One of the most powerful weapons ever created by man in the foreground.  If mankind really is improving as a species and becoming more moral, why then do we require machines like this?

While before I knew and could give examples of how God took people from the Bible and put them into periods of solitude so that He could change them, now I know why that is necessary.  In the past I could give you examples of how God changed the name of a person because they were beginning a new journey in their lives, I now see why that action was so meaningful.  He wants all of us to be truly new creations, redone in His image, seeking His glory, and proclaiming His name in all the earth.

What does this have to do with faith?  Everything!  I cannot see specifically what the Lord is bringing us to do, but I know He is moving forward.  On my toughest days I wonder why He chose us and brought us here to the Northwest, yet I know it was Him who brought us and called us and provided the way for us to get here.  I would go so far as to say that I have no idea how He will use us to establish a church here in North Everett, but I know it is coming.

Hebrews 11:1-  Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.