I continue to be amazed at the swift change in seasons here
in Western Washington. Only one month
ago the sun was coming up around 6am and would set around 8pm. Now, it comes up around 7:15 am and sets at
6:45pm. Over the next month we will lose
another 2 hours of daylight as the clouds continue their steady march back into
the skies here. Winter is coming. On top of that, our clear weather is
gradually giving way to fog that lasts for half the day, and the rain has been
on the increase since fall officially started in mid-September.
As daylight hours have disappeared so have the people. There are not nearly as many people out on
the streets now as there were a month ago.
Over the last few weeks I have taken several opportunities to go out on
the streets during my lunch break at work to pray and see if I can talk to
anyone. For the last several weeks I
have had no encounters with anyone. This
initially is hard for me because I have always had this sense that I need to be
talking to everyone I can about Jesus, but that thinking really diminishes who
God is and what prayer is about. It
diminishes God because I have said before that I believe He can control
conversations I have or don't have on the street. If I am saying in my mind that I haven't
"accomplished" anything when I don't get to talk to someone, I'm
saying that, even though God was at work with me, it wasn't good enough. I'm learning that sometimes He draws me to
the streets to pray for the city and for areas of the city. This mindset also connects to a poor view of
prayer. Prayer is never wasted time and
it does have results as the person who prays gets to talk directly to God. I have seen my own prayers get answered over
and over again here in very specific ways, so it is clear this is not wasted
time.
In talking to people
at EFC I found this week that so many of them were burdened with depression in
some form, or were carrying burdens that they are struggling to bear. This has hit our family as well. While most people point to the weather as the
cause, and it definitely is a factor, there is something more to it. Spiritual opposition and oppression is
significant here.
The Bible describes in Daniel chapter 10 what happened
"behind the curtain" when Daniel prayed to God.
Daniel 10
12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first
day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God,
your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13
But for twenty-one days the spirit prince[c] of the kingdom of Persia blocked
my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels,[d] came to help me, and I left him
there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.[e] 14 Now I am here to
explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns
a time yet to come.”
While I am not the type of person who believes that there
are demons behind every corner and tree, I do know they are real. I can't describe the sense one gets while on
the streets here, sometimes on particular blocks or specific areas of the city,
but it is almost as though evil is right there in that place. For many years, the Pacific Northwest has
experienced significant oppression at the hands of these forces of evil. But God is here, and He is stronger.
I mention this partly because of some moments recently where
we as a family were feeling a sense of suffocation and pressure. At the same time, I have been praying a lot
more and in a lot more places in our city.
I know that's what God wants, but as I am learning firsthand, prayer
isn't just words muttered to the air. It
is actually in many cases is engaging in a very real spiritual battle. Just as engaging in a literal battle with a
sword or shield would be exhausting, I have found that prayer can feel the same
way. I don't mean that I feel drained
after prayer, but I sense resistance to it that is intangible.
Artwork on a sidewalk near a local bus stop. This truly captures the feeling many people
here have about what the good life is all about. That kind of deception is powerful in this
place.
The other big work that I find myself doing these days has
to do with pastoring. I have shifted my
own mindset and now see our community group as a little church. We have a great group of people from all over
north Everett including neighbors and others who live within about 2 miles of
us. I pray for these folks daily and am
really trying to keep up with the guys each week by at least talking to them on
the phone or going to lunch. This is
particularly difficult with men because they all have jobs just like I do, and
when they get home they take care of their own kids just like I do. Keeping up with them and spending time with
them will be an ongoing challenge, but this work is so worthwhile! I am hoping over time that we are able to
develop discipleship between us, and I believe that is already happening to a
degree. We're now beyond small talk and
in some cases are getting into sharing our current burdens and stressors. Discipleship is the thing that the global
Church doesn't do very well these days, but it is the one thing we can do that
brings everybody closer to the Lord.
This church that the Lord helps us to build here will be a discipling
church.
One thing that will separate this church from others is in
how we view the role of "pastoring" and discipleship. While I love visiting people, keeping up with
their lives, visiting hospital rooms, etc, I don't see anywhere in scripture
where these things are limited to pastors in the church. We all are supposed to be doing these things
because of our love for each other. I
hope to instill that value in our church plant quickly. Pastoring isn't just for pastors. Missions work isn't just for
missionaries. We are all pastors and
missionaries.
What Faith Now Means to Me
As the Lord brings us closer to His purpose for us here in
Everett, He is grinding us down. You may
read that and immediately think of that in the negative, and it certainly
hurts. But God knows that if we are to
fulfill His purpose here in Everett, we can't be the same people who moved from
Huffman, Texas. Pride must go. Self-sufficiency must be laid to rest. In their place, love must grow. In this area that is so cynical about
religion in general and Christianity in particular, the thing that will change
people is real love.
This may sound funny but over the last few weeks I have
finally come to the conclusion that I can't do this. I am not equipped or prepared to be a pastor
to anyone. I am not patient, not always
kind, and don't always love people regardless of the situation. I can be fickle and moody and selfish and
rude. If you were to go out among
churches and try to identify people who would be the best candidates to plant
churches in the Pacific Northwest, I would not stand among them.
My conclusion, however, has come with the opposing
realization that God can. I think it is
entirely possible that He is putting the old Paul to death so that a new Paul
can be born, one that is good for His use.
Think about it: if I am incapable
of doing this work, and yet it still happens, who gets the glory for the
work? God, and that is as it should
be. I was asked this week what my vision
of a Paul Edwards church is. I knew the
answer immediately. I don't want any
part of a Paul Edwards church! Nationwide
there are too many examples of "fill in the blank with person's name"
Church, and they all are nothing but monuments to the ego of the pastor. Instead, we must be about lifting Jesus up
and bringing people to Him by being pipelines for love.
The U.S.S Nimitz at sunset.
This is an interesting contrast when you think about it. The beauty of God's creation in the
background. One of the most powerful
weapons ever created by man in the foreground.
If mankind really is improving as a species and becoming more moral, why
then do we require machines like this?
While before I knew and could give examples of how God took
people from the Bible and put them into periods of solitude so that He could
change them, now I know why that is necessary.
In the past I could give you examples of how God changed the name of a
person because they were beginning a new journey in their lives, I now see why
that action was so meaningful. He wants
all of us to be truly new creations, redone in His image, seeking His glory,
and proclaiming His name in all the earth.
What does this have to do with faith? Everything!
I cannot see specifically what the Lord is bringing us to do, but I know
He is moving forward. On my toughest
days I wonder why He chose us and brought us here to the Northwest, yet I know
it was Him who brought us and called us and provided the way for us to get
here. I would go so far as to say that I
have no idea how He will use us to establish a church here in North Everett,
but I know it is coming.
Hebrews 11:1- Faith
is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us
assurance about things we cannot see.
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