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| The San Juan Islands viewed looking west toward Victoria, British Columbia. |
The Christian life is a difficult life. It's full of things that are good, and it also is full of things that are not so good. Anyone who tells you that your life will be vastly more positive when you become a Christian isn't telling the truth. Often churches will blame the evil one for that work, and sometimes it is because when we align with the Cross, we suddenly get a target on our backs. But sometimes the trouble can come from the Lord Himself, not because He's trying to get us, but because He's trying to make us more like Himself. That requires radical surgery to extract the sin from every part of our bodies, and radical surgery is painful. Recovery takes a long time too.
Lately I've had a very personal battle that parents of adopted kids can all relate to. We've been dealing with the poor behavior of our adopted kids over and over and over again. Amanda and I over the years have learned to adapt our disciplinary approach to fit the needs of each kid, so we spend a lot of time teaching good behavior and what that looks like. Yet in spite of almost 5 years of doing that, we still deal with much of the same misbehavior of these three boys. It is frustrating to say the least, and in the worst moments it is absolutely baffling. When you are dealing with someone who knows what they should be doing but who chooses not to do it, it can produce one of many "lose it" moments for a parent.
Saturday I dealt with some of this behavior early in the morning and I let it set the tone for the day. I usually am someone who is slow to anger, and sometimes slow to cool off, but yesterday I became very angry early on and it endured for the entire day. The thing I just kept coming back to is that simple idea that the boys know what to do and just won't do it. I was baffled, dismayed, frustrated, and at the end of my rope. In one of my two profound monologues to the boys, I told them that I felt that they have spent 5 years taking from me and Amanda and not giving back to anyone. I told them that there are times where I question whether they care about anyone else in the family. That honesty, while harsh and direct, is truth that adoptive families can relate to. Children coming from deep hurt respond in selfishness because they are the only ones that will look out for themselves.
I found myself praying at times during the day and being very honest with the Lord about how I felt. I've gone through too many years of life thinking that I'd hide my feelings from God as I pray, which is absolute silliness. He created my physical and spiritual nature, so he surely knows what I'm thinking at any moment in time. I'm learning to pray honesty during those moments.
Sunday morning I went to the Lord when I woke up and reflected on the relationship He has developed with me. In the middle of that, I came to Psalm 50.
14 Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,
and keep the vows you made to the Most High.
15 Then call on me when you are in trouble,
and I will rescue you,
and you will give me glory.”
I thought the psalmist's choice of words was interesting. We should make thankfulness our sacrifice to God.
You mean my sacrifice isn't giving more money? No, in fact in the previous verses the Lord reminds us that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and doesn't need my stuff.
You mean my sacrifice isn't doing good deeds? No, He doesn't need my good deeds either.
You mean my sacrifice isn't in building a new church in the Northwest? No, He actually doesn't need me to do that work either. He could appoint anyone to do that work by His Spirit.
So my thankfulness should be my sacrifice to Him. Why? That's kind of an odd thing to call a sacrifice. But thankfulness puts the focus on the Lord and not on me. For humans, this is a sacrifice because we are all inherently selfish beings due to the sin that has corrupted us. It's hard to be thankful because it forces us to throw the attention off of self and onto someone that we have absolutely no control over. It forces us to realize that the meaning of life isn't us at all, and that the universe does not in fact revolve around us.
To further the point, the Lord develops the thought a little more in verse 15.
"Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory."
I read here that trouble is a certainty. We won't have it all of the time but we will have it and should expect it. Our calling on Him in trouble turns the focus back to the One that it should be on, Jesus himself. And in doing that, we are promised rescue from our trouble. It might be provision to get out of the trouble, or for a situation like mine it might be the grace and the patience to just get through it with a Christlike behavior. It might be inner peace in the middle of a category 5 hurricane in life. In the end, the purpose of us calling on Him while in trouble is so that He will rescue us so that we may give Him glory. That's the thing! Our trouble produces in us a deeper need for God. Our deeper need for God makes us turn to Him in our weakness. Our rescue comes externally from Him, and we in turn can only point to Him as our rescuer.
God's purpose for us is that we might know Him fully. Our purpose is to bring glory to God.
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| A view of the Cascade mountains looking east. In the distance is Glacier Peak, one of the 3 active volcanoes in our area. |
As a result of this I spent time that morning writing down everything that I have to be thankful for. I started with our adventure to the Northwest and all of the things that the Lord provided to get us here. Never before have I walked so deeply and in trust with Him as I did when we moved. Our old house hadn't sold, we had no provision for a new house, knew nobody here, and had no real plan. Yet on day one He provided my closest friend here, a church for us to land in, and a place to stay. At the time none of it made sense on the surface, which is a hallmark of a situation that requires faith. The Lord provided.
I also realized how thankful I am for the family I have. I have a wife perfectly suited to me, am a Dad to boys, and have been given the health and the energy to enjoy all of it.
I also have been given my dream job where I'm allowed to have a Kingdom impact while doing the thing that I love to do and have always dreamed about since entering education.
There's an expansive list of physical comforts the Lord has provided to me. But it would be wrong to not focus on who the Lord is to me. He's a best friend in good times and in bad, He cares deeply for us to the point where He prompts people to pray for us at just the right moments. He has forced me to live at times by faith and not by sight, with the end result being relationship with Himself. He's the provider of quiet when I need it the most, and the one who speaks to me during those moments. He is very personal and knows everything about me, and I suspect I have no idea to this day how very personal He is. He is deeply interested in everything about me, a keen observer, a great Father, and patient instructor. He is the only one who has never, ever given up on me. And He never will.
As I reflected on my conversation with the boys this weekend and what I said to them, I quickly was reminded of some fundamental truths about my relationship with the Lord. Once again, the Lord was teaching me through my children.
- I am adopted into the Lord's family. He chose me before I chose Him.
- I also have taken from the Lord for years and not been thankful.
- I have looked to my own interests and not thought of the Lord very much.
- I have had many moments when I didn't think of the Lord at all.
- My personal sin has deeply hurt the Lord's heart because it made light of his sacrifice for me.
The difference between him and me is vast. Yet he is still there teaching, disciplining, and speaking into my life. That's the God I know. He is a God who is personal, who desires for me to become more like Him each day, and who actively is working to rid my life of sin. He never, ever gives up in spite of my stubbornness, and He never will.
Today I offer this sacrifice of thankfulness to my Lord and my God. This sacrifice for me required time, thought, patience, and deep reflection. I wasn't able to rush on into the day's activities, or move on to doing something that I wanted to do at the moment. It was time where I offered praise to the Lord and got to know Him better. I had to wait and sit at the King's feet.
King David once was offered all of the items that were required for a sacrifice at no cost. Here's his response, which also should be our response.
22 “Take it, my lord the king, and use it as you wish,” Araunah said to David. “Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and you can use the threshing boards and ox yokes for wood to build a fire on the altar. 23 I will give it all to you, Your Majesty, and may the Lord your God accept your sacrifice.”
24 But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on buying it, for I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.” So David paid him fifty pieces of silver[f] for the threshing floor and the oxen.
Sacrifices cost something for you just as redemption of your life cost something for Jesus.
What sacrifice of praise can you offer to the Lord today? He doesn't need anything from you that He doesn't already have. He doesn't require your actions to make things happen. He doesn't need any of the talents that you possess. This sacrifice of praise is the offering of your very self, your whole self, to the Creator of the Universe.
What praise do you have to offer up to the Lord today?
