Onward into the Fog

Last year I posted this picture on the blog, and it still remains one of my favorites.  Its meaning to me is symbolic of our walk as we obeyed in faith to come to the Northwest.  Fog ahead, arrows pointing in the opposite direction, some lights along the way to light the path.  But mostly, someone on this path is going to be walking through endless miles of fog.  That is where we find ourselves once again, and the Lord has a plan in it.

If you have read much of what I have written on these pages, you will know much about what is inside me.  The pride which the Lord has dealt with over a long period of time, the internal wrestling, the questioning, the second guessing, and sometimes the loneliness that comes with such significant change as our family has endured.  What the Lord is working on in me now is my tendency to do it all, or attempt to do it all.

I have always had the attitude that I can work hard enough, plan well enough, and put forth enough effort to get just about anything done.  That's a great characteristic to have for someone in business or even someone who works in the school system as I do, but that characteristic is an Achilles heel in God's kingdom.  Why?  Because if you go fourth in your own effort, you are not going forward in faith, in joy of relationship with the Lord, or with the correct motives.  Your actions can give all of the appearance of moving forward by God's Spirit, until they are tested over time.

Psalm 127:1 Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the LORD protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.

Morning over Everett and the north Cascades.

I am now in a place where I am unable to continue on at the pace at which I was going because I have, all too often, done things from sheer effort and strength.  And that runs out after a time.  We face the reality of trying to plant a church without a big team of people to help lead the charge.  We have done Kid's Club for much of the spring with just a few people running and organizing the whole thing, and over the summer we began Gatherings in our house that were done solely by Amanda, myself, and Ashleigh our intern.  Each of these have borne fruit, particularly Kid's Club, but it has forced me to reflect on what the Lord is doing and what I'm trying to do on my own.  Our pace is not sustainable with the amount of leaders we have.

The last week in July we had a mission team from Humble Area's First Baptist Church come up to help us do a sports camp at Jackson Elementary, and it was a huge success.  We had a total of about 65 kids show up during the week, and were able to connect with many of the parents during the week.  Seeds were planted, I believe, for the long term.  The team did such a great job and were very helpful to us.  Then reality sets in for us when that team jumps on an airplane and heads back home, leaving us here to continue on.

In the middle of the trip, I was already in the midst of a period of reflection and prayer regarding what the Lord is doing right now.  Things just haven't made sense.  How do we move forward when we are so tired?  Will we have other leaders join us, and if so, when?  What do we do right now?  Am I as connected to my family as I should be?  Is my marriage as strong as it could be?  Is my relationship with the Lord vibrant, dynamic, and alive?

What the Lord spoke to me during this time was unmistakable because it spoke right to my fears and questions.

Haggai 2:4-5
⁴ But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people still left in the land. And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. ⁵ My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

Yes, I realize my name isn't Zerubbabel, or Jeshua, or Jehozadak, but I do believe the Lord was in this message to me.

• Be strong- the Lord hasn't left the Northwest (if He ever does, I'm going with him!)
• All you people still left in the land- the mission team has left and gone back home.  We are left here, seemingly alone.
• Get to work- don't wait around for something to happen.  See where the Lord is working and and join.
• My Spirit remains among you- reassurance that the Holy Spirit is still here.
• Do not be afraid- this is the natural reaction to our situation.  Aloneness, fear, and questioning are natural for us.  But the Lord has the answers.

During this same time with the Lord, I continued reading and found probably one of the most important verses in the Bible for people like me.

Zechariah 4:6 New Living Translation (NLT)⁶ Then he said to me, “This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

So from this I took that we are to continue working to further the Kingdom here, but that it must be done in a spirit of humility and of waiting on the Lord.  Anything done in our own strength will perish.  Anything done by the Lord's Spirit is eternal.

What does this mean in practical terms for us?  We plan on relaunching Kid's Club in the fall, but this time we are going to wait to get volunteers.  I do believe the Lord wants us to continue this outreach since we had a number of kids accept Jesus last year, and because we were able to touch the lives of so many kids.  However, I do not believe this can go in my own strength.  The days of me organizing this weekly, teaching the lesson, leading most of the games, and attempting to connect with parents are over.  That's too much for one person to do.  To do this is to go in one's own strength, and it is not healthy for our family or for me.

Instead, we are putting out inquiries to individuals and some other local like-minded churches to see if they might commit long-term to coming to serve.  We want other pastors to come do the lesson with kids, we want young people to come organize games for the kids (and the young at heart), and we want anyone with a creative mind to come work on crafts with kids.  Long-term, we'd love to incorporate adults who would come and tutor kids during this time.  All of this is work in God's Kingdom, all of it is meaningful, and all of it involves the entire Body of Christ.

The key this time around is that we have decided to wait until the Lord provides the people to help.  We aren't obligated to start Kid's Club when school starts, nor are we obligated to start it on any specific date.  We believe the Lord wants us to do this ministry, but that He must go ahead of us.  To do that, we have to stop initiating on our own and assume it will all work out.  We have to wait.

We are seeing that the Lord may be expanding the territory of Kid's Club.  Since coming to my new school I was approached by a local church that heard about our Kid's Club and is now interested in starting it there.  I have also spoken with another church that is interested in doing this with us with the intent of branching off to yet another elementary school in the future.  We will see what the Lord does, but this could turn into something that goes from impacting 40 kids to impacting hundreds of kids for Jesus.  We will pray and see how it plays out.

Regarding our Gatherings, unless we suddenly have more leaders materialize soon, we will likely have to stop doing those.  The idea of a Gathering may be a "not now" thing versus a "never" thing.  Reality right now is that we are hosting everyone in our home, preparing the adult lessons, preparing the kid lessons and supervision, teaching, and trying to keep everyone excited and together.  This is great work for about 6 leaders, but is unsustainable work for 2.

As always, I want you to hear our story and do some reflection, and this time is no different.  Do you see areas of your life where you are going in your own strength?  Have you been exhausted in your involvement in ministry and are trying to figure that out?  Are you overwhelmed by life right now and want to go run and hide?  Are your family relationships strained because you are doing so much away from them, or because you are completely drained by all of the activities you are doing apart from them?  We have been in that place with you.

You and I aren't meant to:

• work ourselves to death in God's Kingdom while other Christians stand by and watch.   
• sacrifice our marriage for the sake of ministry. 
• sacrifice our kids for the sake of the Kingdom.

None of these things are supported in scripture.  If you don't believe me, see Moses's conversation with his father in law regarding his workload (Exodus 18).  Or see the Bible's commentary on Eli in 1 Samuel 2.  Or even take a look at how the Lord really feels about divorce in Malachi 2:16.  These passages seem to indicate to me that the Lord expects us to work in His kingdom AND balance things at home.
Rather we are meant to go in the strength that the Lord provides.  We are meant to have partners in ministry who will help to share the load.  We are meant to function as a body, with one arm doing one thing and another arm doing related work;  with legs that move the body forward, with a torso that holds the body together.  The Body of Christ has many parts, all of which do different things but all of which work toward the same goal.  

I see our path in ministry now as being at a pace set by the Lord, not by us.  I have never been able to figure out what the Lord's long-term plan is, and today is no different.  But we, like you, can rest in what the Apostle Paul said about Christian living in this dark world.

Romans 12: 
¹² Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
  

More Than We Can Handle

“God will never give you more than you can handle.” 

I have had many well-meaning Christians tell me these words over the last 18 months when I’ve been depressed about what’s happening in life at the moment, particularly with my call to the Northwest.  The unfortunate thing is that these words don’t appear in the Bible at all, and in fact, nothing like that is ever said in the Bible.  Jesus didn’t say it, it doesn’t appear in the 10 commandments, it isn’t in a Psalm of David, nor is it a proverb of Solomon.  Many people think the Bible says this because they misquote 1 Corinthians, in which Paul is writing about temptation.

1 Corinthians 10:13 New Living Translation (NLT)

¹³ The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

Thank God that He places limits on the intensity of our temptations.

Now back to difficulties in life.  Personal experience has shown me that, besides the Bible never saying anywhere that we "won't be given more than we can handle," these words are simply not true.  Yes, you did read that right.  God will give you more than you can handle.  A lot more.

Why would He do that? Let me illustrate it personally first.

I have had many, many days here in the Pacific Northwest that gave me more than I could handle.  Let's run down my list of burdens that are too heavy for me to carry.

1. Our move to the Northwest-  It is no small thing to move away from everyone you know and all of the comforts you had because you felt the Lord calling you away.  At time, the isolation and loneliness have been intense.
2. Family- I often joke about having 5 boys and how crazy our house is, but make no mistake, they by themselves are a tremendous burden.  As a parent you have to be "on" all of the time and ready to parent at any moment.  I don't always feel like doing that.
3. Ministry- Starting a new church while working a regular full time job is difficult and takes all of your time.  How do you balance ministry and family, work and relationships?  I ask that question constantly.
4. Work- Often, work by itself will give me more than I could handle.  Whether it's a major problem that has to be dealt with or broken relationships that need to be fixed, all of these things are a burden. 

Frequently, these things combine into a perfect storm of circumstances, and my reaction in many cases to the perfect storm is to become angry.  I will sometimes become angry at God and have difficulty praying.  Other times I’ll just desire to be alone and away from anyone and everyone.  And still other times I may try to connect with someone who “gets it” so they can hear me out.  I do this because in my mind, God doesn’t get it.  In those moments, I am so very wrong.

The Power of Fog

We live in a world that is completely broken on every level, with more needs than any of us could ever meet and with greater powers of evil present than we could ever comprehend.  We are unable to change any of this on our own, and thank God for that.  God wants the world to come into relationship with Himself, and the most effective way for that to happen is for circumstances to point to Him and not to you.  We are weak.  He is strong.

God gives us more than we can handle because what He really wants is all of you, not just the portion you choose to throw His way on Sunday mornings or when you do your quiet time or when you do an act of service in His kingdom.  He sees that we are a vapor, a mist, a passing fog on this earth.  Consider the last time you saw fog drifting through an area.  It didn't possess any real power on its own.  It simply drifted through and eventually burned away due to the sun's heat.  You and I contain all of the raw power that the vapor, mist, or fog contains on the earth.  We can’t do it on our own, and we are not meant to.

Matthew 11
²⁸ Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

The thing that took me so long to understand is that He doesn't lift my burdens off of my shoulders automatically.  I have to try to lift them, experience that it is too much, and go to Him for help and in submission.  Then, and only then, will His broad shoulders lift the yoke off of my shoulders.  And like oxen or horses that are pulling a load, when I am "yoked together" with the Savior, I am walking with Him.

I am convinced that what God wants is our absolute surrender to His will.  He’s very clear in Revelation that He doesn’t want our spiritual leftovers left covered in the fridge.   

^{Revelation 3 
15} “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! ¹⁶ But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

He wants the first part of the meal that we cook, and over time you will discover that He wants it all:  all of your worship, all of your praise, all of you.   This isn’t done out of meanness or spite.  It is done because He loves us with such an intensity that we could never imagine it.  He also sees through the things we have deceived ourselves with, including our feelings of power and ability.  He made us and realizes that we are quite weak.  The only way to make it is to fully surrender and let him take it all.

The Patience of the Lord

Many Christians out there don’t want that much of God.  They want to compartmentalize Him into a specific part of their day, week, or month and have the rest to themselves.  It’s almost like tithing.  They are sort of okay with giving 10% (and might argue about gross or net pay in that), but the other 90% is theirs to spend at will.  In my worst moments, I still wrestle with thoughts like that.  How dare God want all of me?  Doesn’t He see this is MY life?

Thankfully God doesn’t give up on people like you and me.  We are actually fortunate that we are pursued by this Holy God.  If we are actually followers of His, He will pursue us with the same intensity that He pursued Jonah.  He will place massive storms in our way, and when we turn around we will see massive waves the other direction.  When we run 100 miles into the wilderness out of fear and exhaustion, like Elijah did, God is right there at our destination, waiting on us.  When we tell God that we can't do what He's asked us to do, He just comes back and tells us again like He did when Moses told Him no.

Hosea 14

14 ^[a]Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,
    for your sins have brought you down.
² Bring your confessions, and return to the Lord.
    Say to him,
“Forgive all our sins and graciously receive us,
    so that we may offer you our praises.^[b]
3 Assyria cannot save us,
    nor can our warhorses.
Never again will we say to the idols we have made,
    ‘You are our gods.’
No, in you alone
    do the orphans find mercy.”

My experience?  God will give you more than you can handle.  That’s important when it comes to a person like me who is driven, passionate, and focused.  As long as I believe I can do anything I put my mind to, He is still going to have to work on me.  That’s why we adopted 3 kids that come from a difficult place and who are difficult themselves.  That’s why God asked us to move to the Seattle area where we knew nobody and had no plan.  That’s why we are planting Purpose Church without a lot of help.  It’s because we can’t do it and because He can do it.  If we succeed, it was His doing, not my great strategy, planning, or charisma, that did it.

What does this have to do with you?  Are you overwhelmed by life right now and feeling boxed in?  Are you angry with God and seeking respite or a place go cry by yourself?  Do you feel unbelievable pressure each day and have no way to deal with it?  Go to the Father in prayer.  Just get on your knees before Him and wait on Him to speak.  Get away from people and spend some time with your Creator.  Surrender every part of your self to Him, and see what He does in response.

Your problems may not all magically resolve themselves, your pressure may not disappear, and your kids may not begin to act correctly, but what you may have is the strength to get through that day or that hour.  And in the midst of the trial you will likely display the grace that could only come as a reflection of the Father you follow, and that makes Him known to people around you.  And when you look back, it wasn’t that you were running a race and crossed the finish line.  It wasn’t that you ran a marathon and finished, or completed an Ironman Triathalon.  You will realize that you were carried through the entirety of the trial.

Why Numbers Are Deceptive

For those who know me well, you know I am a numbers guy.

In the world of education, I have always believed numbers tell a story about a classroom, a building, and even an entire school district.  Sometimes test scores tell the story;  other times it is attrition, attendance, or something else.  Numbers always tell a story.

As is customary with the Lord now, He seems to enjoy taking what I believe and turning it on its head.  I am still coming to grips with the fact that in the church world as a follower of Jesus, numbers don't always mean anything, and sometimes they can be used to draw the wrong conclusions.

Let's look at one of those for a minute.  How do you measure the health of a church?  How do you measure the "success" of a church plant or of the church planter themselves?  What are the indicators of success?  Many churches out there would first point to their attendance as evidence that they have a strong church, and attendance is important.  But how well are those churches actually following Jesus' command to make disciples (Matthew 28:18-20)?  It is unfortunate, but if you live in the Bible Belt where I used to live, there are tons of people who attend church each week just because that's what you do on Sunday.  But in examining their lives throughout the rest of the week, listening to what they say and observing how they behave, they don't appear to be any different from the rest of the world.  Their language is just as coarse, their actions just as vindictive and selfish, and their activities just as depraved as the entire rest of the world.  Jesus never said church attendance would get you to heaven, yet multitudes of people out there act like He did.

What about growth?  Many people out there can point to statistics that say over the last year the church body has grown by such and such percent.  That's a great thing!  However, we go back to the person's life to examine it, and what do we see?  Is there a change?  Is there a difference?  Is the person shining any of the light of Jesus into this dark world, or are they like everyone else, easily fitting in with the shadows?

Another thing we could look to is salvations, or the number of people who have decided to follow Jesus.  Unfortunately that also can be a deceptive statistic due to what church culture has turned it into.  The Bible speaks of a person turning from their wicked ways and choosing to follow Jesus, which day to day looks like a deepening prayer life and life change.  Church culture has turned it into a one-time decision or event where we "accept Jesus" and nothing beyond that is expected.  That is not the Biblical view of salvation.  Instead it is a life-long process where a person, still imperfect, walks down that skinny trail that leads to the Lord.  Gradually they shed the things of this world and set their sights on the things of the Lord, so that over years the new creation looks different from the old self.  No wonder Jesus describes a time when many come to him proclaiming all of the good things that they did and yet He still states that "I never knew you."  (Matthew 7:21-23)  These people are regular churchgoers that Jesus is turning away, which should make us shudder. 

In this place we are in, none of those statistics are very meaningful.  Starting a new church here doesn't look like it does in Texas because church life isn't part of the culture here.  New churches here may struggle for 5-8 years just to get to 100 people, whereas in Texas you should probably be to that level in 18 months to 2 years.  Things just don't work the same way in the Northwest.

This is where I have found that often I am my own worst enemy.  I have a certain expectation of myself and of the way in which the Lord will start and build this church.  But the Lord doesn't look at the same things that I look at.  Instead, He looks at the heart.  He looks for life change, for the fruit that accompanies the work of His spirit within a person.  In fact, when you read the New Testament you will see Him over and over and over again refer to the fruit produced in the life of a person (Galatians 5:22-23;  Matthew 7:15-16;  Matthew 12:33).  Life change.  His spirit can't help but cause it in a person, and that's why we call it being reborn.

Nobody has ever come to me with an expectation that we will grow to a certain number by a certain year, that we will have baptized X number of people, or that we'll be meeting in a building by a certain date.  That pressure is all internal to me.  Also internal is this feeling that, since the Lord bothered to move our family here and we've been here for 18 months, lots of people should be showing up by now and committing to Jesus.  I have found that when I pause to seek the Lord, He continues to be relentless on the one thing He has been relentless about the entire time.  Me.

There are three things that our family is supposed to do while in Everett, the things that the Lord has tasked us with.  The first is to point to Him in what we say and in what we do.  Knowing me you should know that I know and follow Jesus, whether you believe in Him or not.  Second, we are to make disciples of other people so that they can go make some disciples as well.  Third, we need to invite as much as possible our friends and neighbors to come to the wedding banquet of the Lord.

It is not our job to seek first the attendance of people, nor is it our job to "save" people.  I am unable to save anyone, so getting out of that business is important.  I am also unable to make anyone out there interested in following Jesus.  Yes, you did read that right.  I can speak of what Jesus has done in my life, talk about what He said and did, and explain why He went to the cross for us.  But I am unable to capture another person's interest to the level that they want to make a decision to follow Him (John 6:44).  Only He can do that, and scripture specifically says that it is the Holy Spirit that draws people to Himself.

I sincerely hope that Purpose Church continues to grow from the 4 families that currently make it up, but there is not any guarantee of that over the next year.  We will continue to meet, disciple, and struggle on the road to becoming more like the Savior.  What we should be looking at is life change within those four families.  It seems that my success as a leader is defined by how well I submit to and follow my Leader, Jesus Christ.  I am not measured by how well I organize or by how many events I put on.

The qualifications for you and I receiving the highest praise of the Savior, "well done, good and faithful servant," don't rely on 100% growth in a year, or on a certain number of salvations, or on baptisms.  The weight of that statement lies in how well we obeyed what He told us to do.  Let that sink in for a moment, and consider what it is that He has told you to do.

I have thought much in the last year about what the Lord has asked our family to do here in Everett.  I believe we are doing it right now, although not perfectly.  He has asked us to adopt kids and to parent them well, has asked us to pick up everything we own and move, and He has asked us to start a church and disciple people.  But if you believe I have a mission and you don't, you are mistaken.

What about you?

We have all been asked to do something by the Savior if in fact we are true followers of Him.  What is it that He wants you to be doing?  Have you asked?  Do you want to know, or like Jonah will you ignore the command you were given and walk the other direction?  While the Savior won't place burdens on us that we are unable to bear, He also will not tolerate we as believers turning from Him and walking the other way.  The Father has a long track record of pursuing those who turn away from His purposes.  See Elijah, Moses, and Saul as examples of that, to name a few.

What is Jesus asking you to do right now?  Are you doing those things?

The Reservoir

How much of Jesus do you have?

Sometimes I think we treat the Lord as though He is here to fill a giant reservoir in our souls.  We think that if we can go to a certain weekend event it will fill up.  If we just will attend church a little more often, we will see the water level rise incrementally, and then we will have enough water for another week's journey across the desert.  If I just read an extra chapter of the Bible, pick up another Christian book, or listen a little more to that Christian music that I will find myself closer to the Lord and will feel good again.  While you and I have a reservoir in our souls that only He can fill, it is entirely possible that this filling isn't supposed to be an event, but instead should be a continual thing.

The more time I spend in the Pacific Northwest the more I am sure that I have to spend more time with the Lord.  Yes I do get up every morning and pray and read my Bible, but I've found very quickly that it isn't enough to get me through a day here.  Some of you probably read that with some level of surprise.  What?  I've always been taught to do a quiet time in the morning and that would be good enough!  I can say from experience that it isn't good enough.  If the only time I talk to the Lord for the entire day is in the early morning, my reservoir is draining.

What causes this in my life?  Probably the same things that cause it in your life.  We are too busy to have time to pray.  Early meetings at work happen.  A fully scheduled day happens with more meetings, time spent with friends, time spent with family, or time spent (and wasted) looking at those phones that all of us carry.  And at the end of it all when you look up from the day, where did you see God in it all?  He was there, I can assure you, but did you SEE Him working anywhere?

A further drain happens when you have friends who would like spiritual advice, have encounters with neighbors and acquaintances here who do not believe in Jesus, or endure a spiritual attack.  Did you have the armor of God on at that time, or were you relying on this supposed reservoir to save you?  Did you go to your knees in prayer so you can meet these challenges, or did you simply try to push through it on your own?

You and I are not meant to be apart from the Lord, ever.  The great secret that the Lord wants you and I to discover is that He delights in us so much that He WANTS us to be around him and needing him every minute of every day.  And that is why mankind today rebels against God.  It isn't always that we don't believe in Him, it's that we don't want to surrender our lives to Him.  My life is mine to do with as I please, we tell ourselves, and the irony is that slowly over time we lose that very life we aim to so strongly defend.

God wants your time during the day as you work, He wants time in the evening as you spend time with your family, He wants time when you are alone with nothing but your thoughts or your electronic devices.  He wants all of you.  I'm not saying that you are supposed to be in prayer 24 hours a day, although there are worse things you could do.  What I am saying is that He wants you to speak to Him in prayer, listen to His spirit in a mode of waiting, and generally make it so that your life points to Him at all points and in all ways. 

Is the Lord allowed to take your time?
Is He allowed to take your food during a time of fasting and prayer?
Is He allowed to take all of you and not give it back?

John 7:38New Living Translation (NLT)

³⁸ Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’”^[a]

^{John 4:9-13}

¹⁰ Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”
¹¹ “But sir, you don’t have a rope or a bucket,” she said, “and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? ¹² And besides, do you think you’re greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?”
¹³ Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. ¹⁴ But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Kid's Club Wrap Up

On June 2nd we had our last Kid's Club for the school year.  This particular one was a bit different in that we taught 2 Bible lessons to our kids, and we did it in small groups.  Because God is great and had a plan all along, we "happened" to be at the point to teach about the Passover, so we did a large-group lesson on all of the things the Israelites had to do for the first Passover to prevent the death of the firstborn.  We later broke into small groups and taught the kids about Jesus, the infinite and final Passover lamb.

At the end of it we had 4 kids accept Jesus right on the spot, and another 3 who are right at the doorstep but still have some thinking to do about it.  That's a pretty amazing harvest when you think about it!  I am still amazed sometimes that we live in America and yet I am telling the story of Jesus to people who are hearing about Him for the first time.  That of course was the case on that Tuesday.  What a blessing to see God at work right in that moment.  He surely is doing something through Kid's Club.

We were thankful at the end of that day and very tired at the same time.  Kid's Club has been done with 40 kids for many weeks, all of which was done with only 4-5 adults leading it.  The work has been exhausting, but I still believe the Lord will draw workers to these harvest fields when He is ready to. 

While I can't control who ultimately chooses to join the journey God has us on, I can control how much time I spend with the One who fills my reservoir.  Without Him, I have no hope whatsoever.  With Him, I have all the hope in the universe.

Haystack Rock on the Oregon Coast.  Amanda and I got some time away at this amazing work of God's creation last weekend.

What is your purpose?

Block Party

We just finished a tremendous weekend of ministry here in downtown Everett.  We had a pastor from a potential partner church visit us from Texas, a college-age family member from Austin, and we got Ashleigh back, this time as Intern Ashleigh!  She will be living with us through the summer and helping us to further God's kingdom here in Everett.  

Our big focus of time and attention was advertising for and executing a block party right on my street.  We were much more intentional about it than we were last August.  This time we printed 500 door hangers and canvassed our neighborhood to advertise the event.  Since we had extra help and a lot of kids, the task was pretty easy.  Over two days we got all of them put on doors and waited for the event to come, not knowing if anyone would show up.

 

 Intern Ashleigh with one of the boy's friends.

On Saturday at 5:00 after an hour and a half of exhausting setup, we were ready to go.  Guests started to trickle in from all directions, and before long we had a ton of people on our street.  We took advantage of it by asking them to fill out a survey regarding their opinions on what problems there are in our community and how a new church could help out.  We also continually announced our coming events including our new Gathering which will happen next Saturday at 5:30.

Since we had enough help, Amanda and I and Steve and Janine got to spend time circulating and talking to people.  We were really joyful to connect with people from all walks of life, most of whom are not currently connected to a church.  They gave us their thoughts on what problems exist in north Everett, and a whole bunch of them expressed interest in coming to our Gathering next weekend.  The recurring question we got was "do I have to dress up for this thing?"  I love that question, and was quick to say that, no, they don't need to dress up.  I'll be wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  We're just going to learn about Jesus and try to do the things He commanded us to do.  

This apparently is tradition now.  The epic struggle of Paul vs. everyone else.  Their goal:  destruction.

We had neighbors who thanked us repeatedly for putting this on, but probably the thing that energized us the most was the number of people who want to attend and who want to help out!  We had someone volunteer to play guitar during our Gathering if we just have sheet music available, and others have offered to help us out with Kid's Club.  The survey results were really insightful too, as we had many great ideas on how to do ministry in this community which included outreach for families in poverty all the way to outreach for ex-convicts that are in the community.  I think God really is stirring some hearts here!

When everything was cleaned up after the busy night, I was exhausted and overwhelmed by the grace of God.  Finally I'm beginning to see a clearer picture of what He has brought us here to do.  Finally things make a little bit of sense.  I'm not certain that Purpose Church will stand the test of time, because many new churches do not.  But what I do know is that we are exactly where the Father wants us to be for this season of life.  And His expectation of me is simply to love Him and love people.  He's not a taskmaster or a tough boss.  He's the Father that loves me even when I stumble or doubt, and He will love me regardless of what happens with Purpose Church.  In that I can rest.

What is your purpose?

If I were to ask you what your purpose in life is, what would you say?

Would you tell me about your accomplishments, your goals, your dreams, or your plans?  Would you tell me how you were born to lead people, or that you are born to serve others, or that you are born to have an impact.

On the surface these things all sound very positive and very good.  But as with everything, when you look beneath the surface you see that all of these things are just a decoration painted on a tomb.  You can spend your entire life serving others or leading or achieving much, and still lose your very soul.

I've been challenged over the last few weeks with this very question.  We decided as a church to put the "what is your purpose?" question on t-shirts and wear them around town this summer.  If I'm going to have the question on my shirt, I'd better have a pretty good answer prepared!

Jesus said his purpose was to give his sheep "a rich and satisfying life."  (John 10:9-11)  The purpose of Satan is to "kill and steal and destroy."

So after a lot of thought I finally came to it.  I'm not here to plan a ton of events, preach the truth to thousands of people, or even to have the best family ever.  I'm also not here to "save" thousands of people from their sins as they commit their lives to Jesus.  Don't get me wrong:  all of these things are important and good, but they aren't the reason God put me here on this earth.  Not at all.  It is the Holy Spirit's work to save souls, and you could argue it is His work in me to do the rest of the things in that list as well.

My purpose is simply to point to Jesus Christ in my words and in my actions.  Everyday, and in every way, whether I am at work, at home, driving, preaching, talking to a friend, talking to an enemy, or conversing with my kids.  That is the thing I'm here on earth to do.

What is your purpose?

For Mom

I am blessed to have had two really good parents.  I had a Mom who decided early on to stay at home so she could raise me, and a Dad who worked hard but still was involved in my life.  They both set such a tremendous example for me to try to live up to as a parent of 5 boys, and I think often about what they did with me when we encounter those very same situations with my 5.  The parent’s curse…

Everyone has those moments in life when everything just stops, and even years later you can remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when the event happened.  Thursday April 9th marked the 4-year anniversary of one of those moments for me.  I was unloading a pallet of grass in my front yard with Samuel and Zachary, and the phone rang.

“Paul…she’s gone.”

Mom passed away at St. Luke’s Hospital in the Texas Medical Center after a 13-year battle with an awful and rare disease called Scleroderma.  If you’ve never heard of it, you aren’t alone because it doesn’t occur often and the medical profession doesn’t even know what causes it. 

I always mourn during this week even if I’m not trying to.  If you’ve experienced the death of a close loved one you know what I’m talking about.  You’ll find that you are sad and don’t know why, then you look at the calendar and realize that it is a special date marking time you would have spent with that person, and then you remember. 

I want to tell of several of the ways in which she impacted me because I believe it has something to teach all of the parents and future parents out there.  I also believe you will see God’s hand in it, both in how He worked in my life through her and in how He even used the tough things we went through to make us ready for Seattle. Since not all of you have or have had a great Mom, my thoughts on her may not be something you can relate to.  But they are something that you can imitate, because the Lord used her in my life although I didn’t ever realize it at the time.

Does Prayer Work?

When I was in elementary school I can remember my mom periodically suggesting that we pray for my future wife.  That sometimes seemed like a strange thing to do but I always had an excitement that she was out there somewhere and that maybe this God knew who she was and was with her right at that moment.  As best as I can tell, we did that throughout the years but particularly in elementary school. 

If you wonder if prayer works, consider this:  during some of the later elementary school years Amanda was living in El Paso, Texas with her Mom who had been widowed in 1980, left with 3 small kids.  In the succeeding years her Mom dealt with the pain as many people do by drowning it in alcohol.  Their family went through many very difficult times for a string of years afterward until her grandparents interceded and got her Mom the help that she really needed.  For a time, the kids lived with them while their Mom finally confronted alcoholism and overcame it.  She never went back to it for the rest of her life.

Now I have no written records of when we prayed for Amanda as a child, but I am certain of this.  When we prayed, it was in moments when she needed the Lord’s help.  There we were in Kingwood, Texas, praying for a little girl and her family that we didn’t know and knew nothing about.  We just knew we needed to pray.  I strongly believe that those prayers were lifted up at just the moment that Amanda and her family needed it.  God worked in a similar way when both she and I prayed to meet our future spouse, and we both did it around the same time prior to meeting each other.  That’s how God works.

In My Face

Mom was always the one to sit with me when I got home from school and relentlessly press me for information regarding what was going on in my life at the time.  I was typical as a kid, always prepared with the answer of “fine” when asked how I was doing (I still do this too often).  But Mom never let it go and wanted to know how I was doing.  She did it from a good heart and I now realize that her involvement in my life made me trust and respect she and Dad even more. 

Involved, available parents are parents who show they care.  It doesn’t have to be acknowledged verbally.  It is just understood.  Parents like these keep their kids out of trouble not because they are so willing to bring the pain if the kid messes up.  Instead, their kid doesn’t want to disappoint them.

Mom and I used to have big arguments, and upon reflection I know why.  If you know me you know her as well because we were very similar in personality!  But we always made up pretty quickly and I never felt like those things hung around for weeks, months, or years.  They were done.

Divine Providence and a Bigger Plan

I would still tell you that the purpose of me working for Humble ISD as science coordinator for 3 years was so that I would get to spend the last 3 years of Mom’s life with her.  We ate lunch together a whole lot and came full circle during that time.  I was able to really talk with her again and we got to the point where we discussed her life, her declining health, and the death that would soon take her.  Those are special moments that I will never forget.

After experiencing Mom’s funeral in April of 2011 and even speaking at it, which only the Father could have given me the courage to do, I slipped gradually away from the Lord as a deep-set anger set in regarding this loss.  This often happens after an event like this, and events such as this one have the ability to draw you closer to the Lord or push you away.  I was definitely the latter.  I continued teaching Sunday School at our church and even became a deacon, but will acknowledge that the undercurrent of this loss endured.  I could tell you academically about the Lord’s love for people, but I didn’t fully understand it for myself.

Only 6 weeks after her death I was asked to become the associate principal at Summer Creek High School, and fortunately this job gave me a needed distraction from the pain.  But distraction doesn’t mean pain goes away.  It takes a long time to heal from a loss so great. 

Approximately 6 months later we met our future adopted sons Elijah, Isaiah, and Josiah, all of whom had experienced significant loss themselves.  In some ways we have been able to understand their losses because we have gone through some losses ourselves. 

Even in those moments, I privately asked why we as a family were having to deal with such loss, change, and pain.

God in the Darkness

The turning point for me came as we made our mission trip to Seattle in August of 2013.  I approached the trip reluctantly at first although I definitely felt the Lord doing something in having us go on this trip.  The Pacific Northwest just wouldn’t leave our minds, and it had been 4 years since we had been there.  And on this trip, I heard the voice of the King.

“Child, the time has come for you to go.”

It was during this trip that the Lord reminded me that I had much life ahead of me, and that He wanted to take me into deeper relationship with Himself.  During the trip I felt a reawakening, a shift of mindset, and a reminder that God is very personal and very real.  It was as though I had come alive again after that moment, and in doing the Lord’s work I felt more alive than I have ever felt in my life.

Lessons Learned

The Lord had a plan for our family and for me.  He knew that the path of pain and loss were tools to shape us into the people He wanted us to be, and that these tools were preparatory for our future.  Some would say that God is cruel in allowing hard things in our lives, but consider this:

Which is more loving?  To prevent a person from going through hardship and pain even though you know it will make them better, prepare them for the future, and bring them closer to yourself?

OR

Allowing hardship and pain because it is preparation for something much more difficult, and will bring them closer in the only relationship that matters in this life or the next.

Carefully consider your answer.

What can you learn as a parent or future parent from my Mom? 

• Teach your kids to pray, and pray for their future spouse, their protection, and help for their family.  You never know what they are going through at that moment.

• Be involved with your kids and know what they are thinking, know who their friends are, and be willing to coach them at any time. 

• Be willing to put your life on hold for a few years to raise your young kids.  The daily impact you have in the small conversations and interactions with your kids will change them for the long-term.

• Be a model for how to be married successfully to another person.  Fight fair and love unconditionally.

And while I have lost my Mom, I still have a wonderful Dad whom I love dearly, and our relationship endures to this day.  And beyond Dad, I have a big crazy family that has changed everything I ever thought about life.  And even beyond that, I have discovered a God who never ceases to surprise me by His love and compassion for me.  In Seattle, in one of the most spiritually dark places in the United States, I have discovered a Heavenly Father who is all powerful, all loving, and all caring.  I have discovered a God who never gives up on me even when I mess up, who disciplines me as necessary but who doesn’t crush me when I’m down or when I fail Him.  This God chose me before I chose Him.  And the crazy part is that I’m not special.  He feels that way about you as well.

Wrestling with God

Sunset in Everett.  We continue to have an abnormally warm spring and this bright thing keeps coming out often in the sky.  We still haven't identified it.

Genesis 32

²² During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servant wives, and his eleven sons and crossed the Jabbok River with them. ²³ After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions.

²⁴ This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. ²⁵ When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”

When I was in high school, I had a one-year stint as a wrestler for our school, and it still ranks high on my list of most fun things I have ever done.  I prided myself in strength which usually made up for lack of skill, and when facing other opponents who lacked skill I could usually win.

It seems that in my recent times I have discovered one whom I can’t win against.  I’ve been wrestling with God himself.

In reading our story on this blog you’ve seen various points where I seem to be thrown into confusion asking what I should be doing right now.  It is possible that this mindset doesn’t make sense to some of you.  I can only explain it by saying this:  when you know you’ve been called out of your former life to a place over 2,000 miles from home, and you’ve heard the Lord’s voice telling you to go, once you are in that place and little is happening, the natural question to ask is “what’s next?”  I have gone through periods acting as though I was working for yet another boss who had made demands of me, and I was desperately trying to figure out the nature of this Boss so I could please him.  I’ve even made seemingly pious statements like “I want God to be my boss instead of following the world’s ways.”  But even in making a statement like that, I show two things:  I’m still following the world’s ways, and I don’t fully understand this God and His ways.

In my zeal to do something I’ve tried many ways to connect with the men in our community.  We’ve started a men’s Bible study and I’ve been really trying to spend time with other guys to gauge interest in discipleship.  What I have experienced is rampant frustration.  One by one each of the doors was closed in my face, and in the end I was unable to spend any meaningful time with any of them.  So God, what now?  Time is slipping by and I feel like I’m missing something!  What am I missing?

It turns out I was missing God Himself.  I felt a sense one day from the Lord to just go out on the street during my lunch break and bring nothing but my Bible.

I found a place to sit on a retaining wall near the Everett Transit Center.  A lot of people walk by there on their way to a bus, train, or something else.  Many who pass by are homeless.  After I was situated I opened my Bible and read from Matthew 22:1-14, which has always been a confusing parable to me.

Matthew 22

 Jesus also told them other parables. He said, ² “The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a king who prepared a great wedding feast for his son. ³ When the banquet was ready, he sent his servants to notify those who were invited. But they all refused to come!

⁴ “So he sent other servants to tell them, ‘The feast has been prepared. The bulls and fattened cattle have been killed, and everything is ready. Come to the banquet!’ ⁵ But the guests he had invited ignored them and went their own way, one to his farm, another to his business. ⁶ Others seized his messengers and insulted them and killed them.

⁷ “The king was furious, and he sent out his army to destroy the murderers and burn their town. ⁸ And he said to his servants, ‘The wedding feast is ready, and the guests I invited aren’t worthy of the honor. ⁹ Now go out to the street corners and invite everyone you see.’ ¹⁰ So the servants brought in everyone they could find, good and bad alike, and the banquet hall was filled with guests.
¹¹ “But when the king came in to meet the guests, he noticed a man who wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for a wedding. ¹² ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?’ But the man had no reply. ¹³ Then the king said to his aides, ‘Bind his hands and feet and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’’

These questions came to mind as I read:

·      Who were the servants in the story?

·      What were the qualifications for being invited to the banquet?

I quickly came to the realization that the servants in the story are all believers!  This has great implications which I’ll get to.

Second, the qualifications for being invited to the banquet were…that the person was seen.  Go invite everyone you see, the king said. 

Everyone. 
The poor.
The rich.
The good.
The bad. 
The idolaters?  Yes.  Gluttons?  Yes.  Drug abusers?  Yes.  Those who are sexually immoral?  Yes.

And did you notice that it said both the good and the bad were in the banquet hall, and all were wearing the wedding clothes!  People didn’t get to the banquet because they performed a magical set of actions that pleased the king.  They got there because the king chose them first and they accepted the invite.  And where did they pick up the wedding clothes while they were being rushed off to the banquet?  You guessed it.  The king gave them the clothes too.  They just had to dress in the king's clothing and show up.

The verse I zeroed in on was vs 9 “Now go out to the street corners and invite everyone you see.”  I just read it over and over and over again.

When I finally looked up, I saw a guy walk past me, but the thing that stuck out to me was his shirt.  While it is difficult to make out in the picture, he had a logo on the back that is very similar to the logo of Purpose Church.  I really couldn’t believe my eyes.  I didn’t run after this guy and start talking to him.  Instead I felt the Lord reminding me that here, right here, is an example of how I need to be looking at things.  I need to focus my attention on inviting everyone I see to the banquet, which is coming to know the King of Kings and live in relationship with Him forever.  That’s the task here, and that’s the task everywhere.  That’s the task of believers.  I am to invite whether I am around 1,000 people or whether I only see and speak to 2.

What I have to remember, and this part is admittedly hard, is that just because I invite doesn’t mean that people will accept the invitation.  Many will go to their jobs instead because they are trying to build a personal kingdom.  Many will go to something else, to another idol, to drugs and alcohol, to riches instead of accepting the free invitation to this kingdom that isn’t of the world.  I can’t take it personally because, as Jesus said, “they aren’t rejecting you, they are rejecting me.”

The good news for me and for those of you who also find yourselves in the desert is that you are not alone.  You are there because God is there, and He wants you and wants you to know Him more.  Embrace the silence and the solitude of it and listen for His voice.  He is there and has been there all along.  There is nothing you need to do or say.  Just run to Him.

Who have you invited to the banquet lately?  They are out there on the street corners and living next door to you.  They are at work with you and in the parks and at the gym you work out in.  Will you work to usher them into the banquet hall?