Onward into the Fog

Last year I posted this picture on the blog, and it still remains one of my favorites.  Its meaning to me is symbolic of our walk as we obeyed in faith to come to the Northwest.  Fog ahead, arrows pointing in the opposite direction, some lights along the way to light the path.  But mostly, someone on this path is going to be walking through endless miles of fog.  That is where we find ourselves once again, and the Lord has a plan in it.

If you have read much of what I have written on these pages, you will know much about what is inside me.  The pride which the Lord has dealt with over a long period of time, the internal wrestling, the questioning, the second guessing, and sometimes the loneliness that comes with such significant change as our family has endured.  What the Lord is working on in me now is my tendency to do it all, or attempt to do it all.

I have always had the attitude that I can work hard enough, plan well enough, and put forth enough effort to get just about anything done.  That's a great characteristic to have for someone in business or even someone who works in the school system as I do, but that characteristic is an Achilles heel in God's kingdom.  Why?  Because if you go fourth in your own effort, you are not going forward in faith, in joy of relationship with the Lord, or with the correct motives.  Your actions can give all of the appearance of moving forward by God's Spirit, until they are tested over time.

Psalm 127:1 Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the LORD protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.

Morning over Everett and the north Cascades.

I am now in a place where I am unable to continue on at the pace at which I was going because I have, all too often, done things from sheer effort and strength.  And that runs out after a time.  We face the reality of trying to plant a church without a big team of people to help lead the charge.  We have done Kid's Club for much of the spring with just a few people running and organizing the whole thing, and over the summer we began Gatherings in our house that were done solely by Amanda, myself, and Ashleigh our intern.  Each of these have borne fruit, particularly Kid's Club, but it has forced me to reflect on what the Lord is doing and what I'm trying to do on my own.  Our pace is not sustainable with the amount of leaders we have.

The last week in July we had a mission team from Humble Area's First Baptist Church come up to help us do a sports camp at Jackson Elementary, and it was a huge success.  We had a total of about 65 kids show up during the week, and were able to connect with many of the parents during the week.  Seeds were planted, I believe, for the long term.  The team did such a great job and were very helpful to us.  Then reality sets in for us when that team jumps on an airplane and heads back home, leaving us here to continue on.

In the middle of the trip, I was already in the midst of a period of reflection and prayer regarding what the Lord is doing right now.  Things just haven't made sense.  How do we move forward when we are so tired?  Will we have other leaders join us, and if so, when?  What do we do right now?  Am I as connected to my family as I should be?  Is my marriage as strong as it could be?  Is my relationship with the Lord vibrant, dynamic, and alive?

What the Lord spoke to me during this time was unmistakable because it spoke right to my fears and questions.

Haggai 2:4-5
⁴ But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people still left in the land. And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. ⁵ My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

Yes, I realize my name isn't Zerubbabel, or Jeshua, or Jehozadak, but I do believe the Lord was in this message to me.

• Be strong- the Lord hasn't left the Northwest (if He ever does, I'm going with him!)
• All you people still left in the land- the mission team has left and gone back home.  We are left here, seemingly alone.
• Get to work- don't wait around for something to happen.  See where the Lord is working and and join.
• My Spirit remains among you- reassurance that the Holy Spirit is still here.
• Do not be afraid- this is the natural reaction to our situation.  Aloneness, fear, and questioning are natural for us.  But the Lord has the answers.

During this same time with the Lord, I continued reading and found probably one of the most important verses in the Bible for people like me.

Zechariah 4:6 New Living Translation (NLT)⁶ Then he said to me, “This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

So from this I took that we are to continue working to further the Kingdom here, but that it must be done in a spirit of humility and of waiting on the Lord.  Anything done in our own strength will perish.  Anything done by the Lord's Spirit is eternal.

What does this mean in practical terms for us?  We plan on relaunching Kid's Club in the fall, but this time we are going to wait to get volunteers.  I do believe the Lord wants us to continue this outreach since we had a number of kids accept Jesus last year, and because we were able to touch the lives of so many kids.  However, I do not believe this can go in my own strength.  The days of me organizing this weekly, teaching the lesson, leading most of the games, and attempting to connect with parents are over.  That's too much for one person to do.  To do this is to go in one's own strength, and it is not healthy for our family or for me.

Instead, we are putting out inquiries to individuals and some other local like-minded churches to see if they might commit long-term to coming to serve.  We want other pastors to come do the lesson with kids, we want young people to come organize games for the kids (and the young at heart), and we want anyone with a creative mind to come work on crafts with kids.  Long-term, we'd love to incorporate adults who would come and tutor kids during this time.  All of this is work in God's Kingdom, all of it is meaningful, and all of it involves the entire Body of Christ.

The key this time around is that we have decided to wait until the Lord provides the people to help.  We aren't obligated to start Kid's Club when school starts, nor are we obligated to start it on any specific date.  We believe the Lord wants us to do this ministry, but that He must go ahead of us.  To do that, we have to stop initiating on our own and assume it will all work out.  We have to wait.

We are seeing that the Lord may be expanding the territory of Kid's Club.  Since coming to my new school I was approached by a local church that heard about our Kid's Club and is now interested in starting it there.  I have also spoken with another church that is interested in doing this with us with the intent of branching off to yet another elementary school in the future.  We will see what the Lord does, but this could turn into something that goes from impacting 40 kids to impacting hundreds of kids for Jesus.  We will pray and see how it plays out.

Regarding our Gatherings, unless we suddenly have more leaders materialize soon, we will likely have to stop doing those.  The idea of a Gathering may be a "not now" thing versus a "never" thing.  Reality right now is that we are hosting everyone in our home, preparing the adult lessons, preparing the kid lessons and supervision, teaching, and trying to keep everyone excited and together.  This is great work for about 6 leaders, but is unsustainable work for 2.

As always, I want you to hear our story and do some reflection, and this time is no different.  Do you see areas of your life where you are going in your own strength?  Have you been exhausted in your involvement in ministry and are trying to figure that out?  Are you overwhelmed by life right now and want to go run and hide?  Are your family relationships strained because you are doing so much away from them, or because you are completely drained by all of the activities you are doing apart from them?  We have been in that place with you.

You and I aren't meant to:

• work ourselves to death in God's Kingdom while other Christians stand by and watch.   
• sacrifice our marriage for the sake of ministry. 
• sacrifice our kids for the sake of the Kingdom.

None of these things are supported in scripture.  If you don't believe me, see Moses's conversation with his father in law regarding his workload (Exodus 18).  Or see the Bible's commentary on Eli in 1 Samuel 2.  Or even take a look at how the Lord really feels about divorce in Malachi 2:16.  These passages seem to indicate to me that the Lord expects us to work in His kingdom AND balance things at home.
Rather we are meant to go in the strength that the Lord provides.  We are meant to have partners in ministry who will help to share the load.  We are meant to function as a body, with one arm doing one thing and another arm doing related work;  with legs that move the body forward, with a torso that holds the body together.  The Body of Christ has many parts, all of which do different things but all of which work toward the same goal.  

I see our path in ministry now as being at a pace set by the Lord, not by us.  I have never been able to figure out what the Lord's long-term plan is, and today is no different.  But we, like you, can rest in what the Apostle Paul said about Christian living in this dark world.

Romans 12: 
¹² Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.