I knew that week that I needed to go be alone with the Lord to pray over what He had told me to do. I needed to leave the house, and I felt I needed to leave the city altogether. So I made plans to go to one of my favorite places in the Northwest, and quite possibly in the whole world, which thankfully is a short drive away from Everett. I went to Friday Harbor, Washington, a small town on San Juan Island which is in between Washington and Victoria, British Columbia. It is a beautiful spot with pristine blue-green water, views of the Cascade and Olympic mountain ranges, and much wildlife including Orca whales. And while this happens to be one of my favorite places, the plan that God had in store for me on this day was better than I could have ever imagined. When I reach the end of my life, I believe I will look back and count this day among my top 3 that I have lived because I had a deep and personal encounter with Jesus, my shepherd.
I prayed prior to going on this day trip that the Lord would speak clearly to me that day and that His message would be unmistakable. I know my friends in Houston were doing the same thing. So I set out that morning playing worship music in my car and tearfully praised God for all He had done in my life. I feel fortunate to have gone from believing worship is about me and the style of music I like to being about praising God for who He is. This time of worship was truly a blessing to my heart and brought me closer to the Lord.
On the way north toward the ferry terminal in Anacortes, I was praying and passed by a sign that I nearly missed. But I saw it when I was supposed to see it, and to me it was not a message about skiing.
If you think this is strange, bear with me. There's a larger lesson here for you and me that the Lord wants to teach us.
I pondered that sign for many miles after that, tears in my eyes. I knew it was for me right them, but continued praying for clarity and that I would hear the Lord. I boarded the ferry Hyak and we began the hour-long journey to Friday Harbor. I stayed inside on the passenger deck because it was a very cold day and it was raining. I spent that hour with my Bible opened, journaling about what I was reading. The first passage I encountered that morning was Genesis 35:1-3 where God told Jacob to move to Bethel (which means House of God...sounds like a church) to settle there. It also mentions that God would be with Jacob there, yet another reminder that God would be going with me.
I then flipped back to Ezekiel 11:16-20 and read what the Lord told the exiles. He told them that He had scattered them among the nations of the world, but that He would be a sanctuary to them during that time. And then He said that He was planning to gather them back together and give them the land of Israel once again. Each of these things has applied to our family.
Of note also is the fact that God, in these passages, also was saying that he would renew my heart in this. I have struggled for the last year since closing Purpose Church with a heart that was stubborn, sometimes stony, as I grappled with the Lord over what that whole painful episode was all about. Here I saw redemption. Here I saw renewal. Here I saw an invitation from the Lord to go on a new journey with Him, and a promise that He would be with me.
As I processed this on the ferry, I became fearful once again because I know what cross-country moves are like. When we moved to Washington I was naive in this area. Not so any more. Moves are stressful by themselves. Moves with a large family are more stressful. I no longer had the rose-colored glasses that I used to wear. But the Lord had an answer for that too as I flipped to Romans 5:3-5.
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
He did not promise me we would avoid difficulty. He did tell me that it would be with purpose. When you enter into difficult times, that often is what you need to know in that moment. Please just tell me there was a purpose to all of this! And there is.
From that point I got off of the ferry in driving rain and went to a coffee shop right in front of the ferry landing. I bought a snack and some coffee and sat down with my Bible again. But this time I did something a little different. I had brought my journal from the time God moved us out of Texas with the purpose of comparing what it said to what was happening now. After all, the manner in which God speaks into your life in one circumstance is often how He will speak to you in the next. I wanted to look for themes and consistency.
 |
| This was the view out of the coffee shop as I read God's word and my own journal from 5 years ago. |
I had not ever read through my journal from that time in my life, but am glad I did. What I read made me burst into tears. I'm sure I looked like a complete fool, so I sat in front of a window looking out at the ferry dock so nobody could see me. In the journal I read about the scriptures God had led me to that were so specific about moving away from Texas. I read about the passion He had put in my heart for the new work He was calling me to. I read about the things He was telling me to do moment by moment, my thoughts on those things, and what He did as a result. I read about His promises to be with me along the way. And I also read something that finally released me from the guilt, shame, and brokenheartedness I have long experienced after closing Purpose Church.
In my mind I had gradually shifted my calling to Washington from what God gave and substituted it with my own plan of planting a church. When the church failed and closed down, I had failed and took it personally. Up to that very day I had not recovered. Why did God lead me to Washington and allow this thing to close down? Why had we rearranged our lives altogether and gone through so much pain? What was that all about? The Lord redirected me in that sweet moment to a gentle reminder of why He had brought us, written by my own hand. It simply said this: "God has called us to Washington to live in the community, work in the community, build relationships with those around us, and to share about Jesus every chance we got." Well, we did do that. In fact, that is what we have been most successful at doing. It was as if a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders in that moment, a weight I had put there and held onto. It was a weight I was never intended to bear.
As it turns out, I had misread the ferry schedule and my ferry home would not be arriving for several more hours, so I went for a two mile walk on a road leading out of the town of Friday Harbor. I believe God had done this on purpose because He was not done reassuring me of His plan. So I set out and the rain finally stopped. As I walked, I prayed more and more and more for clarity. I told God that I was concerned to have invented these things on my own and that I wasn't hearing from Him. I told Him that I don't feel much like a good pastor and that I don't feel strong enough to do the work. He immediately reminded me that absolute, total surrender would be necessary to do it His way, and that gave me peace. And then I came to the fork in the road that looked like this. It speaks for itself.
Here I stood with the Lord and stared at a place that represented my life at that moment. I could move on with my career and keep doing it. I could focus all of my life on building a school up and the community around it, investing all of my time and my passion and my heart and energy in this endeavor. But that road would ultimately lead nowhere of significance. In fact, that road is a road paved by human hands and littered with pride and self-centeredness. Or, I could acknowledge this turning point and go down that road, which leads over a hill and around a bend, and I can't see what is coming next. To go down this road I would need to have faith since a map does not exist. I would have to rely on the Lord.
While this place got my attention and turned my heart, a little further down the road I made a final commitment to the Lord on a beautiful beach facing out into open water. I stood before the Lord on that spot and told Him that if He was calling on our family to move back to Humble, we would go with no questions asked. And in that moment, God said "okay, now head back to the ferry because you are close to being late!"
How does God get our attention?
Let me make this personal for you. Has God ever gotten your attention? It might have been over some sin in your life, or something He wanted you to do, or an answer to a prayer that you had prayed. His tools for getting your attention are many. After all, he knows how you are wired because He wired you Himself! He knows how you think because He designed the mechanisms for doing that.That sign that I saw on the way to Friday Harbor was not coincidence. I am convinced that God had placed it there in that moment for me to see. To all of the other people driving on I-5 it was just a sign about skiing. To me, it was a sign of change. And how about the second sign marking Turn Point Road and Black Road, indicating a dead end? To any other passersby, this was just a road sign. To me, it was God getting my attention.
I know what you are probably thinking. You mean you are rearranging your whole life because of something you read on a sign? Nope.
The signs were just two pieces of the puzzle, but God used them to get my attention. God used scripture and prayer over and over and over again to tell me what to do. He led me to messages in the Bible that were consistent, specific, and meant for me to read in that moment. And these things were all backed by significant times of prayer with Him where He answered me directly either while I was praying or just afterward. And God also used these two road signs as a reinforcer, an affirmation, a consistent message about what we should do. He knows how I am wired. I am visual and pay great attention to symbolism, and that is exactly what He used to talk to me in that moment. And it matched with everything else He had been telling me through every other venue.
Would I still choose to move back to Humble, Texas even if I did not see those signs? Absolutely, positively yes. What God had told me to this point was ultra clear. He used two visual reminders on that day to remind me that He really is walking beside me through the changes. He reminded me that wherever I happen to go, He is already there.
I would caution you on one thing about circumstances. I have seen and heard about many well-meaning Christians who will read something like this and then start believing every sign, every word from a friend or family member or a pastor, or even pictures or paintings are God telling them what to do. Don't do that. Taken by themselves those things may not be from the Lord at all. You simply must go to the Lord in prayer and in the Bible to look for consistency. If what you happen to be reading in God's word, what you are hearing in your prayer life, and your circumstances seem to align and say the same thing, I believe you can take that as the Lord being in it. But don't go down the road of looking only at circumstances.
What is God telling you to do right now? The One who made your inmost parts knows how you think, knows what you think about, and has witnessed personally every moment of your life. This God who takes up residence inside of His followers will talk to you using a variety of methods. He has a history of doing that in the Bible (see Moses, Elijah, Elisha, Balaam, Paul, and many others). What is he saying to you right now? I would encourage you today to go spend time with Him and listen. And then...GO!
No comments:
Post a Comment