The Terrifying Wildnerness: How God Teaches Us to Trust

 

The great and terrifying wilderness of Olympic National Park, where you can hike for days without seeing anyone.

¹⁹ “Then, just as the Lord our God commanded us, we left Mount Sinai and traveled through the great and terrifying wilderness, as you yourselves remember, and headed toward the hill country of the Amorites.  Deuteronomy 1:19 (NLT)

Walking through life as a follower of Jesus is very hard at times.  Some teachers out there would say that His deepest desire for you and me is that we be rich, or that we be successful, or that we have everything in life that we want.  In His goodness, often we do receive those things, but these are not the things that Jesus actually wants for us.  He has a larger goal for you and me that I will talk about here.  Prosperity in our lives could be seen as the icing on the cake, but it most certainly is not the cake.

Recently we have gone through a lot of emotional difficulty as a family as we prepare to move back to Texas to start full-time ministry.  The initial wave of good feelings about the future have given way to a long period of waiting, which has given way to an extended period of saying goodbye to a lot of people that we love and care about.  Daily it seems we have had to say goodbye to someone, answer more questions about why we are going, and then in the evening deal with the emotions as a family since each of us have had a similar experience.  The result has been a rising tide of sorrow and a sense of loss, with little time to grapple with it personally until waking up the next day to deal with it all over again.  That "why" question coming from others has gradually developed into a "why" question in my own heart.  Why, God, does it have to be so hard?  Why does it have to hurt so much?

On top of that we have dealt personally and emotionally with countless people coming to see our house yet not a demonstrate a shred of real interest.  We have had people come to see it multiple times who have indicated that they'd make an offer on it, yet they and the offer disappeared in the wind.  We've had numerous people come to see it who apparently just wanted to look at a pretty house, displacing our family over and over again so they could get a tour.  And still nothing happens, and inside of me the dad and husband screams that we still are seemingly unable to find a place of our own in Texas until this place is moved!  God, why are you doing this?  Why do we have to go through this?  Is there not an easier way?

Lately God has had me take a lot of walks around our neighborhood to just talk with Him.  And in the mornings He has had me read a lot from scripture that directly relates to our situation.  On our walks, I have started with very formal prayers to Him only to be interrupted by his gentle prompting of "just talk to me Paul."  In my reading, instead of going from chapter to chapter in the Bible, He has had me fixate on individual verses that have shown me that He is aware of my situation and that He is with us.  I'm discovering as I spend more time with God that that is His way.  While most of my life I have expected and deserved for him to come to me with a club, He instead comes to me with a whisper, an arm around my shoulder, and a listening ear.

What it looked like for Israel

When Israel was told to move on from Egypt, they had been in slavery for 400 years.  Conditions were not good and many of them were beaten and worked to death.  They were provided food and shelter, but life was about working for their slave masters who had developed a fearful attitude toward their people.  In steps Moses, who God had directed to go talk to Pharaoh, and when Moses obeyed things got tougher for the Israelites and for Moses.  Eventually Pharaoh relented and let the Israelites go, but they were then chased through the wilderness and had their backs to the sea and their fronts confronted by the world's most powerful army.  After they were improbably delivered through the sea, they wandered in the desert and eventually made it to the brink of the Promised Land.  Instead of taking immediate possession of it, they sent in spies, who discouraged the people about it instead of spurring them on, and they had to wander in the desert for 40 more years before they could actually enter the land.

Along the journey of Israel, I want you to see what they faced.  Their initial state in Egypt was bad, but when they obeyed God things got worse and worse and worse.  When they seemingly were released from it all, they were placed into an impossible and inescapable situation by the Red Sea and had gone from worse to...terrifying.  When they were delivered from that situation, they had to wander through the "great and terrifying wilderness."

Having spent a lot of time backcountry camping, the phrase "great and terrifying wilderness" has a lot of meaning for me.  When you are in the wilderness it can be a terrifying experience simply because you are there.  You bring in your own food in your pack but rely on the land for your water.  Last year, in fact, I went on an extended stretch of a hike where we could find no water, and dread grew so much that I eventually couldn't see anything around me except the lack of water.  The Israelites were crossing a desert land that had no water at all and certainly was a far cry from being farmland.  There was no food and no water, and they likely saw in all directions an arid landscape filled with scrubby plants, absolutely desolate.  There were not bubbling pools nearby.  Instead it is likely they had to walk by many dried up pools, sun-baked and cracked, providing the memory of water but not the refreshment of it.  An empty horizon in the wilderness can also drain you of hope.  Yet they were not alone during that time, although they seemingly forgot about that.

God had purpose in all of this for the Israelites just as He has purpose for you and me.  Since there was no food for the people, God had to provide it Himself, and provide He did.  But he only provided what they needed for that day in the form of Manna, which covered the ground like dew in the morning.  They could collect it when they woke up, but if they stored extra up it would rot.  At the end of each day they had nothing left.  When they needed water which was always unavailable, they were provided it from a rock.  The need was there, God provided in the moment, and then they would have to move on to another place that had no water.  

What's the point?

Jesus said that we are worth more than many sparrows, yet it is unlikely that even sparrows could last in the great and terrifying wilderness.  So when He leads us into this type of place, what does it all mean?  What is the point?  

In the wilderness places of life we are able to survive because God provides. We improbably make it through the land because of God's provision.  We live another day because He sustains us in the wilderness.  And in it all, we meet God on a whole new level.  We see that He cares deeply, so deeply in fact that He is willing to plunge us down an illogical path that is fraught with fear and danger and the scent of death so that we will know Him more.  That is what he wants.  Not prosperity, though He gives it, nor health, though He allows that, nor success, though He may provide even that.  He wants us to know Him as we would know a best friend or a spouse or someone we might call a "soul mate."  He is so deeply interested in us, so full of compassion for our condition and need of a Savior, so fully committed to our overall good, so full of love for us as if we were the only people on the entire earth.  And because of this, He knows that the path should lead through the wilderness.

His great purpose for us is this:  that we would walk in fellowship with Him and know Him and His ways and love him deeply.  That's it.  That's the thing.  And in knowing Him better we can follow Him better into deeper and darker paths where there is no light save the light He gives off in us.  His plan is that we would follow Him even if there is no path because walking with Him like this means we are wholly with Him.  In this, as He refines, whittles, and shapes you and me, His greatest work is done.  We are provided treatment for the incurable disease of sin, and are better prepared to "go make disciples of all men."

I'm not sure what "great and terrifying wilderness" God has you walking through right now.  You or someone you love may be dealing with health questions, or it could be something going on at work or in your church.  Perhaps your wilderness is a financial one that doesn't make sense or that God has asked you to do something that just doesn't make a lot of sense.  You can recognize your wilderness by its great and terrifying qualities, giving the appearance of something that could and should be avoided if there is a better way that God could simply provide.  Natural questions come up during those times of your life like "why this?" and "isn't there a different way you could take me, God?"  

You are not meant to deal with those things alone.  There is not some cosmic puzzle you are supposed to figure out that will make it all better.  Yes, God has given you an intellect for a reason, but He has also designed you with a God-sized hole in the middle, and the purpose of making you strike out into this wilderness has more to do with that hole in you than some unnamed or undiscovered strategy.  God wants you and me to rely, depend, and surrender to His ways during these times of our life.  That means you and I must spend more time with him just talking as friends, reading our Bible and considering what it is telling us, walking by ourselves and contemplating the situations, and maybe even talking to a mentor who has a deep relationship with the Lord.  

Instead of leaning away from the pain and the trials and desperately flailing our arms to try to save ourselves, we should be still and lean toward Jesus.  The wilderness we are in may not suddenly make sense, but as we relate to Jesus by spending more time with Him, we realize it doesn't have to make sense.  We realize that Jesus is absolutely trustworthy and is absolutely the greatest love we could ever have.   We then know Jesus better than we did before, which was the point all along.

Who is like the Lord?

 

Waiting: How Faith Grows

I absolutely, positively, do not like to wait.  If I am at a store and the line is long, I get impatient.  If I'm in traffic at a stoplight and can't make it through before it turns red again, I get frustrated.  If I am at a restaurant and my food doesn't come within 20 minutes, I begin looking at my watch.  If I'm warming food in the microwave I wonder why it isn't completely heated in a minute and a half!  If I order something from Amazon and have the option to get the item the same day for free, I click on that option, not because I need the item that day but because I don't want to wait!  Our society these days has made it to where we don't have to wait much for things anymore, and this has produced in me a silly tendency to get impatient every time I do have to wait for something. 

My experience since God called us back to Humble has been a lot of waiting.  Flash back to late March when He told me specifically to go back to the land of my father.  My astonishment at the call led to fear and eventually to peace and has developed into anticipation.  Yet I am in waiting mode.  I am waiting to complete my current work at Emerson, am waiting to start the new work, am waiting to pack up, waiting to end my time at Calvary Everett, and waiting to sell the house.  If you will allow me to be transparent with you, the last item on that list is the one that has bothered me the most.  The house hasn't sold yet!

When we moved up to Everett, we had a fairly quick turnaround on things in that situation too.  God called, I began applying for jobs in the Seattle area (and waiting), and when the job finally came through I had just a few weeks to wrap things up in Houston before moving here.  Had you asked me at the time I was just certain that we'd put the house on the market and that it would sell at exactly the right time.  Exactly the right time to me would have been to have the sale go through in enough time to get us a house in Everett without having any delay.  God had other plans.  We wound up in a two-bedroom apartment for several months while we waited for the house in Houston to sell.  We lived with about 10% of our possessions in the apartment and the other 90% in storage, making things work as best we could.  And it worked just fine.

My recent experience in attempting to sell the house has brought up old memories and fears that I faced the last time we went through a major cross-country move.  Where will we live?  I can't afford to pay two house payments every month, meaning we have to sell this house before we get into another one.  Will we have to move around?  Will we be in an apartment again?  Will it take a day, a week, a month, or a year or more to sell the house?  And what are we going to do if it takes a long time?  At times this type of thinking has been on my mind almost constantly and I have had to go to the Lord with it often.  And we still wait.

During my really stressed out times thinking about selling the house, the Lord has drawn me to several passages that I will share with you.

James 1

² Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

⁵ If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ⁶ But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Psalm 27
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Who had to wait in the Bible?

Waiting on God is a significant theme of the Bible.  Abraham had to wait on God to show him where he would eventually be living, and he waited on God to bring him the child that had been promised.  Noah waited on the rain for 100 years as he built the boat God told him to build.  Joseph had to wait at least 13 years before the dream God had given him came true.  The nation of Israel had to wait a few hundred years to get released from slavery in Egypt, then they had to wait 40 more years before they actually got to enter the promised land.  Moses had to wait for 40 years before God felt he was ready to lead the Israelites.  David waited to become king.  Paul was converted to Christianity and became a powerful proponent of it, but he had to wait 3 years alone in the desert so he could be trained up by the Lord.  The list goes on and on and on.

What does God do in making us wait?

Why does God make us wait for things?  Can't he just deliver immediately and be done with it?  Of course He can.  There is no doubt in my mind that He could have given everyone listed above an immediate answer to what He had promised them.  But instead God had them wait and He is having us wait.  What's the point?

Waiting produces several important things through waiting that develop us spiritually and bring us closer to God.  First and foremost, waiting develops a deeper desire to be with the Lord and understand Him better, which is THE goal God has for your life.  We have a choice in times of waiting to go our own way which is a path littered with anxiety, worry, lots of activity to try to solve things ourself, depression, and hopelessness, or to go God's way.  Going God's way means we deliberately turn to Him and release our cares to Him, waiting patiently for His response, His deliverance, and even His presence to overwhelm us.  That's why James said that "when troubles come our way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."  Joy comes in knowing God, being known by God, relating to God in prayer, and hearing from Him through scripture reading and meditation.  Waiting and faith go hand in hand.

Waiting also develops endurance.  When I first started running recreationally, I was not able to run multiple miles in the beginning.  I remember having my goal first to simply get to one mile, and after that mile I huffed and puffed!  But several weeks later I was able to do a mile and a half, then two miles, then three, and my distance continued to increase.  By running I prepared my body by strengthening muscles, and I also developed the mental capacity to keep going even when it was uncomfortable.  

Runners will tell you that a lot of what goes into running is mental, especially when running long distances.  Just as it is with running, so it is with faith.  You won't wake up one morning with more faith.  It is developed over time by being in situations that require faith, and as you see God deliver, your faith and endurance grow.  And your faith needs to grow because right now God is preparing you for future things that will require even more faith.  Just like with running, God is putting you out on the road and making you go one mile, then two, then three.  And the whole time He is running right next to you.  He never leaves us to our own devices.

And as your endurance grows, you eventually become "perfect and complete, needing nothing."  I actually think this statement is quite significant for you and I.  This tells me that God is always working on me.  God is always preparing me for the next thing.  God is always trying to work more of Himself into my life so I push more of myself out.  As I go through difficulty, uncertainty, and discomfort, I learn to allow more of Jesus in.  Since Jesus is "perfect and complete, needing nothing," I also begin to take on those attributes because the Lord lives in me.  Does this necessarily mean that I will be a perfect person who does not sin?  Not in this life I won't.  But just as a piece of metal becomes gradually more magnetized when it spends time around a strong magnet, so you and I will become more like Jesus as we spend time with Him.  And our faith will just keep growing, meaning we will understand the Lord more and more and more as we walk through life with him.

I won't pretend to any of you that I'm now some immovable rock of faith when it comes to our upcoming move and our attempts to sell the house.  At moments I am trusting God completely and at other moments I'm very nervous and "seeing the wind and the waves" like Peter did when he walked on water with Jesus.  I'm definitely not comfortable right now and many times if I could choose to be delivered from this situation, I'd choose that!  However, the Lord continues to emphasize that this all has purpose and that I should be coming to Him with it.

What about you?

You may be waiting on the Lord to deliver you through a season of life right now.  Perhaps it is a vision He has given you for future ministry that just hasn't come to pass yet.  Perhaps it is deliverance from a health condition you have or that a family member has.  It may be a financial concern or your living conditions that you are enduring.  Whatever it is, you and I must go to the Lord with those things.  This means we must pray when we feel like it and pray when we don't feel like it.  We must seek to understand the Lord and His ways as we pray.  We also must read God's word and stop to think about what it is saying to us right now.  And as our anxiety raises and we become bothered by waiting, we should pray some more.  And remember that God already knows how you feel about things, so be honest in your prayers to Him about it just like you would be honest with a friend when you are talking to them about something bothering you.  You will discover that God is right there with you.  

Getting no immediate deliverance from your situation does not mean He has abandoned you.  It may in fact mean He is right there with you, seeing the "you" that He intends to make you into and relentlessly working toward that end.  And the end He has in mind for you and me is Himself!