One Year In: Perspective in Layers

As promised, I wanted to look back over the last year to show you, with amazement, what God has done in our lives over this time.  At times Amanda and I feel like things are going so slowly.  We want more ministry and want to impact more people for Jesus, but it doesn’t seem to happen at the pace we desire.  When we step back, however, we more clearly see what the Lord has done and how much He really has accomplished.

Layer 1:  Edwards Family

One year ago at this time, I had received a call from a school district in Everett, Washington regarding a job interview.  I had been in prayer since returning from Seattle in early August that the Lord Himself would pick my future job.  I agreed to only apply for jobs and wait.  I would know He had picked the city for us when I would get the call that they wanted to hire me.  My faith was simple and solid:  if he can resurrect from the dead, He can certainly cause me to get, or not to get a job.

If you followed this blog early on, you may know how things transpired from this point.  The district wanted to interview me over Skype only to learn that I had already planned on coming back to Seattle on the very week they were interviewing.  I already had my plane ticket, purchased more than a month before when our plan was simply to return to Seattle to see the area and get more ideas on where the Lord was moving.

As a family we had talked about the idea of moving to Seattle.  Amanda and I had sat with the boys to talk about the possibility of God moving us to Seattle to tell others about Jesus.  I remember that we had the most support from Elijah, Isaiah, and Josiah, and that makes a lot of sense.  They have experienced nothing but change in their life and are used to it, having had to hop among 5 foster homes.  Samuel and Zachary were a bit more reluctant since they loved their family and friends in Houston and were trying to imagine the idea of leaving them.  We talked with them about this and they quickly came around to the idea that Seattle might actually be what is best for our family.

Layer 2:  Everett, Washington at Everett Family Church

On a totally related note, it is important to know what was going on in Everett at the time of this phone call.  The pastors of Everett Family Church were meeting to discern whether EFC should remain open or close forever.  The church had reached a crossroads in commitment from its members and enthusiasm was waning.  They met together one night and Mike asked the team whether they thought EFC should close.  Some were for it and others were not.  Those opposed seemed to have this undefinable idea that God wasn’t finished with EFC yet.  They prayed for direction and for people who would come to help in their ministry.

Remember that we didn’t know anyone at EFC at the time and we didn’t even know it existed.

Layer 2:  Summer Creek High School

At work during this time I was totally lost.  I had lost all will to continue doing what I had been doing.  Having had the curtain pulled back on what life is all about, I now realized that the entire kingdom I had built with my career and specifically at Summer Creek High School was worthless and useless.  Why continue building a sandcastle that would ultimately be washed away in a wave, signifying nothing of eternal significance?  I loved the people I worked with every day, I just no longer cared for the work itself.  I was so torn in my heart, knowing that God would soon be taking us away from everything we knew to experience everything He had for us.  Many questions.  No answers.  

Here’s an excerpt from my personal journal, written on September 28, 2013.

I found myself to be tired and discouraged this week.  While I still felt God’s presence and worshipped Him all week, I just wasn’t seeing much fruit.  I longed for spiritual conversations, salvation for others, and change, but I would just look up to see myself in the midst of my daily work.  That was tough.

In the end, I found that I was tired.  Very, very tired.  I continue to wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes at 2:15, 3:15, or 4:15 and am unable to go  back to sleep.  Whil e I am super-excited about Seattle, I am missing a lot of sleep.  On Wednesday, I was just exhausted.  I felt “fuzzy” on the rain.  I wasn’t alert and couldn’t think clearly.  I had a normal day at work, but that combined with the assessments I took for the North American Mission Board just took it out of me.  I decided to quit working and watched some Myth Busters instead.  I almost felt as though I should apologize to God for it, but in doing that I was overcome with a significant sense of His love.  I believe He really wanted me to stop and rest, and truthfully I haven’t done that in a long time.  When I search the Bible, I consider Elijah who ran into the wilderness 100 miles to escape Jezebel.  He fell asleep and God woke him, providing food and water.  God told him to eat because the journey was too much for him.  God knows what we need.  I believe He doesn’t want us to work 24/7 because He knows we need rest and are more effective for Him if we have rested.  He is incredible.

The job I applied for in Everett has been reposted.  Still waiting.

Layer 3:  A Replacement

Though I was in despair and had no idea in October of 2013 when God would bring us to Washington, he had already begun moving people into place who would replace me.  One of the most significant of those moves involved the district moving an associate principal from another high school over to my building.  She was equal in position to me.  The circumstances involving her move to us were beyond her control and initially we were in this awkward place of working together while occupying the same position.  However, it dawned on me pretty quickly that what God had really done was to provide my replacement  at work prior to me actually leaving.  It was as though He sat me down at a table face to face to look me in the eye, stating “Paul, I have a plan for you.  When it becomes apparent to you what I have done, you will be amazed.  As a start I have already put your replacement in place at work.  I can take you to Washington at any moment.” 

That sent shivers down my spine and still does to this day. I remember talking privately with her and suggesting that her story might just wind up being that of a modern day Joseph from the Bible.  In a 20 year period Joseph went from favorite son to slave in Egypt, servant in a house, jail inmate, and finally to second in command of Egypt.  I can confidently say that the Lord used this situation to look out for both of us with equal care.  His strategy and planning were without equal. 

Genesis 50:

¹⁹ But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. ²¹ No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.”

Now I examine where we are one year removed from these events.  I am a Community Pastor, regular preacher, street evangelist, mission team leader, and church planter.  A year ago I was a Sunday School teacher, deacon, and associate principal at a high school.  What a year!  What a God!

I hope this slice of our story brings you some encouragement.  Perhaps you are in a place where you just can’t figure out where God is taking you.  Maybe you have been waiting on him to move you to something greater for a while now and can’t figure out what that thing is.  Our story should show you that God hasn’t forgotten you and isn’t surprised by your circumstances.  He has you exactly where He wants you at this moment, and He can literally turn your entire life upside down in a matter of months.  He may already be moving in situations and “layers” behind the scenes on your behalf.  While the picture is blurry or completely dark to you, it is active and crystal clear to Him.  What He wants is you.  His love for you is passionate, limitless, priceless, and everlasting, no matter what you have done or not done in your life.  Surrender everything to Him and see what He does in that.

Confessions of the Unqualified

I continue to be amazed at the swift change in seasons here in Western Washington.  Only one month ago the sun was coming up around 6am and would set around 8pm.  Now, it comes up around 7:15 am and sets at 6:45pm.  Over the next month we will lose another 2 hours of daylight as the clouds continue their steady march back into the skies here.  Winter is coming.  On top of that, our clear weather is gradually giving way to fog that lasts for half the day, and the rain has been on the increase since fall officially started in mid-September.

As daylight hours have disappeared so have the people.  There are not nearly as many people out on the streets now as there were a month ago.  Over the last few weeks I have taken several opportunities to go out on the streets during my lunch break at work to pray and see if I can talk to anyone.  For the last several weeks I have had no encounters with anyone.  This initially is hard for me because I have always had this sense that I need to be talking to everyone I can about Jesus, but that thinking really diminishes who God is and what prayer is about.  It diminishes God because I have said before that I believe He can control conversations I have or don't have on the street.  If I am saying in my mind that I haven't "accomplished" anything when I don't get to talk to someone, I'm saying that, even though God was at work with me, it wasn't good enough.  I'm learning that sometimes He draws me to the streets to pray for the city and for areas of the city.  This mindset also connects to a poor view of prayer.  Prayer is never wasted time and it does have results as the person who prays gets to talk directly to God.  I have seen my own prayers get answered over and over again here in very specific ways, so it is clear this is not wasted time.

 In talking to people at EFC I found this week that so many of them were burdened with depression in some form, or were carrying burdens that they are struggling to bear.  This has hit our family as well.  While most people point to the weather as the cause, and it definitely is a factor, there is something more to it.  Spiritual opposition and oppression is significant here.

The Bible describes in Daniel chapter 10 what happened "behind the curtain" when Daniel prayed to God.

Daniel 10

12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13 But for twenty-one days the spirit prince[c] of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels,[d] came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.[e] 14 Now I am here to explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns a time yet to come.”

While I am not the type of person who believes that there are demons behind every corner and tree, I do know they are real.  I can't describe the sense one gets while on the streets here, sometimes on particular blocks or specific areas of the city, but it is almost as though evil is right there in that place.  For many years, the Pacific Northwest has experienced significant oppression at the hands of these forces of evil.  But God is here, and He is stronger.

I mention this partly because of some moments recently where we as a family were feeling a sense of suffocation and pressure.  At the same time, I have been praying a lot more and in a lot more places in our city.  I know that's what God wants, but as I am learning firsthand, prayer isn't just words muttered to the air.  It is actually in many cases is engaging in a very real spiritual battle.  Just as engaging in a literal battle with a sword or shield would be exhausting, I have found that prayer can feel the same way.  I don't mean that I feel drained after prayer, but I sense resistance to it that is intangible.

Artwork on a sidewalk near a local bus stop.  This truly captures the feeling many people here have about what the good life is all about.  That kind of deception is powerful in this place.

The other big work that I find myself doing these days has to do with pastoring.  I have shifted my own mindset and now see our community group as a little church.  We have a great group of people from all over north Everett including neighbors and others who live within about 2 miles of us.  I pray for these folks daily and am really trying to keep up with the guys each week by at least talking to them on the phone or going to lunch.  This is particularly difficult with men because they all have jobs just like I do, and when they get home they take care of their own kids just like I do.  Keeping up with them and spending time with them will be an ongoing challenge, but this work is so worthwhile!  I am hoping over time that we are able to develop discipleship between us, and I believe that is already happening to a degree.  We're now beyond small talk and in some cases are getting into sharing our current burdens and stressors.  Discipleship is the thing that the global Church doesn't do very well these days, but it is the one thing we can do that brings everybody closer to the Lord.  This church that the Lord helps us to build here will be a discipling church.

One thing that will separate this church from others is in how we view the role of "pastoring" and discipleship.  While I love visiting people, keeping up with their lives, visiting hospital rooms, etc, I don't see anywhere in scripture where these things are limited to pastors in the church.  We all are supposed to be doing these things because of our love for each other.  I hope to instill that value in our church plant quickly.  Pastoring isn't just for pastors.  Missions work isn't just for missionaries.  We are all pastors and missionaries.

What Faith Now Means to Me

As the Lord brings us closer to His purpose for us here in Everett, He is grinding us down.  You may read that and immediately think of that in the negative, and it certainly hurts.  But God knows that if we are to fulfill His purpose here in Everett, we can't be the same people who moved from Huffman, Texas.  Pride must go.  Self-sufficiency must be laid to rest.  In their place, love must grow.  In this area that is so cynical about religion in general and Christianity in particular, the thing that will change people is real love.

This may sound funny but over the last few weeks I have finally come to the conclusion that I can't do this.  I am not equipped or prepared to be a pastor to anyone.  I am not patient, not always kind, and don't always love people regardless of the situation.  I can be fickle and moody and selfish and rude.  If you were to go out among churches and try to identify people who would be the best candidates to plant churches in the Pacific Northwest, I would not stand among them.

My conclusion, however, has come with the opposing realization that God can.  I think it is entirely possible that He is putting the old Paul to death so that a new Paul can be born, one that is good for His use.   Think about it:  if I am incapable of doing this work, and yet it still happens, who gets the glory for the work?  God, and that is as it should be.  I was asked this week what my vision of a Paul Edwards church is.  I knew the answer immediately.  I don't want any part of a Paul Edwards church!  Nationwide there are too many examples of "fill in the blank with person's name" Church, and they all are nothing but monuments to the ego of the pastor.  Instead, we must be about lifting Jesus up and bringing people to Him by being pipelines for love.

The U.S.S Nimitz at sunset.   This is an interesting contrast when you think about it.  The beauty of God's creation in the background.  One of the most powerful weapons ever created by man in the foreground.  If mankind really is improving as a species and becoming more moral, why then do we require machines like this?

While before I knew and could give examples of how God took people from the Bible and put them into periods of solitude so that He could change them, now I know why that is necessary.  In the past I could give you examples of how God changed the name of a person because they were beginning a new journey in their lives, I now see why that action was so meaningful.  He wants all of us to be truly new creations, redone in His image, seeking His glory, and proclaiming His name in all the earth.

What does this have to do with faith?  Everything!  I cannot see specifically what the Lord is bringing us to do, but I know He is moving forward.  On my toughest days I wonder why He chose us and brought us here to the Northwest, yet I know it was Him who brought us and called us and provided the way for us to get here.  I would go so far as to say that I have no idea how He will use us to establish a church here in North Everett, but I know it is coming.

Hebrews 11:1-  Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.