The Terminal Illness, Part II

Look to a man in the midst of doubt and danger and you will learn in his hour of adversity what he really is
. . . the mask is torn off and reality remains.
—Lucretius, Roman philosopher

In my last post I attempted to make the point that God is on a mission in each of our lives.  He is for us at all moments in all places for all time.  In this post we are going to explore some of the unexpected implications for that, particularly when it comes to suffering and hardship.

While I was in India last month, I would go to the roof of our hotel in the morning to pray for the country, for the city, for its people, and for myself.  One morning I had a great sense that the Lord wants to take me to another level with Himself and that I've been resisting that work in me.  So, I prayed a very dangerous prayer that He has been quite faithful to answer of late.  I prayed that, if there are things He wants to rework in me and if the only way to change those things is through suffering, then Lord, make me suffer and to learn through it.

My prayer spot on the roof of our hotel in India.

Since then, I have experienced nothing but trials.  These have occurred at home, at work, through our church, and just in general.  It is through the flames of our trials that our true self is revealed, and what is being revealed isn't pretty.  Unfortunately my tendency too often is to try to fix things on my own or pull away from the Lord in my anxiety, but what He really wants in those times is for me to run to His arms for my peace.

1 Peter 4:12-13

¹² Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. ¹³ Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

Nobody enjoys looking weak or uncertain, and we especially don't like being exposed as who we really are in front of others.  I have discovered in life that much of what you and I see in each other each day is a mask.  We present to each other what we want other people to see, not necessarily a true picture of who we are.  I realized this years ago after spending my whole life in what you'd call church culture.  Many people who regularly attend church show a put-together and presentable side every Sunday, and the rest of the week they look and act like different people.  I have been part of that masquerade as well.

Yet God sees through any mask we may put up to others.  He's not deceived by our attempts to look like we have it all together, nor is he misled by what we say about ourselves to others.  He sees us as who we are and is not satisfied to leave us in that state.

So what is God's purpose for your life?  For my life?  When I ask people that question, even to this day I get a response of "I don't know" or "I'm still trying to find that out."  That indicates that we are looking for purpose in actions rather than purpose in being reborn.  For example, some are on the lookout for if the Lord will send them into an overseas mission field as their purpose.  Others seek purpose in the work that the Lord has them do, and are trying to find that one place where everything fits like a glove.  Still others look for purpose in finding the right person to marry.

I would submit to you that God's purpose for your life is to make you more like Himself, and that comes by knowing Him better and better.  And He's going to spend your entire life trying to get you to that point.  Like I had quoted in the last post, God is more interested in who you are becoming than he is in what you are doing.

The Apostle Paul said it this way in Romans 8:35-37:

³⁵ Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? ³⁶ (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”^[a]) ³⁷ No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

When we experience difficulties in life, we tend to doubt God first or assume that the circumstances are going against what He wants for our life.  Surely God wouldn't want trouble and difficulties for us!  But what if He does?  What if by introducing difficulties into your life He is making you into a new man or woman?

If we accept the passage above at face value, difficult times in our lives are NOT an indicator that God is absent or that we are being punished.  They also are not an indicator that we are separated from the love of Jesus.  In fact, Paul goes so far as to say that we are loved in spite of these things being in our lives.  How is it that a loving God could allow trials and difficulties?

If you will accept that (a) you and I have the terminal illness of sin which will lead to our eventual death and that (b) God isn't satisfied to leave us in that state, you are starting to get the picture.  The pathway to being miraculously healed is one of trial and pain.  The way to life is via death.

What??

What are you like when the pressure in your life increases from just a warming to the point where things are about to boil over?  For me, I get impatient and irritable with those around me and tend to withdraw from others.  I become overcome with worry and let it keep me up at all hours, which further isolates me from others.  It's easier to hide so that the masquerade can continue.  But my actions in being irritable and overcome with worry are sinful.  Why?  Because in being irritable I'm not loving others as I love myself (important command number 2 from Jesus), and in worrying I'm idolizing myself because I think that by worrying I can solve my own problems rather than going to the Lord with it.

God isn't satisfied with the way you and I act in those moments.  That's because His desire is that His glory shine through us at all moments with all people for all time.  As C.S. Lewis so aptly put it, we aren't here to be nice people.  We're supposed to be new men.  That means we should be different from the rest of the world.

So how do you train a person who becomes withdrawn, irritable, and worried during difficult times to be more like Jesus in those moments?  You give them more trials and more difficulties so that they HAVE to run to Jesus for strength during those moments.  Only in times like those will Christ shine in your life so brightly that others take notice.  It isn't in the easy times that Jesus looks like an interesting leader to follow.  It's in the hard times, when you endure under trial, persecution, difficulty, calamity, and disaster, and yet you still are able to praise God for who He is.  That, friends, is enticing because the world doesn't have anything like that.

James 1:2-3

² Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

You and I have a choice to make each day in whether we will accept the trials and difficulties that the Lord brings our way and let Him shine in those moments, or whether we won't.  However, God's purpose in all of these things is to bring you closer to Himself.  He is on a mission to remake you that will take the rest of your life.  He loves you so much that He'd do that in your life, not as a thing to frustrate you but instead because He knows what is good for you.  And in the midst of these things, you are able to shine brightly for Him without even knowing it, because in His grace he is doing a work in you that everyone around you can see.

 

Matthew 5:14-16New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

The Terminal Illness, Part I

A recent view of Puget Sound from Everett during low tide.  The Olympic Mountains can be seen in the distance.

God is for you.  Sometimes you and I need to repeat that phrase over and over again, not because it isn't true, but because we don't always believe it is true.

I recently read a quote that I think really gets to the heart of the matter.

God is more concerned about who I'm becoming that about what I'm doing. 

If you really take that bit of wisdom to heart, it will change the way you see your walk with the Lord.  But this isn't just something that was made up and sounds correct.  It is a theme supported by the entirety of the Bible.

You and I all are terminally ill with a deadly disease.  This disease has infected every single cell in our bodies.  It has permeated every muscle, joint, organ, appendage, and nerve.  Without proper medical attention for this disease, you and I will die.  God knows this and has a plan to eradicate this disease from our bodies once and for all time.  However, the way to get rid of it takes time and is a hard path to go down.  The disease I refer to, of course, is sin.

Our problem is that we make light of our own complete and utter hopelessness without the help that Jesus provided.  We think that if our bank accounts have a certain amount in them, we are safe from harm and are "blessed."  We think that if we can get that certain job or position, our lives will smooth out and we can "relax."  We think that if we can find a certain neighborhood to live in, our stress level will go down and things will improve.  Some of us think that if we can find a way to serve in the community more often or with greater things that we will achieve a higher moral state.  Perhaps if we would just take it easy more often our lives will be better and we will be more adjusted.  Yet none of these things have the power to cure our disease.  In fact, some of these things are an outward symptom of the disease and its spread, and we feed into it in the same way that a cancer patient can feed the disease by eating more carbohydrates.

The Lord knows that our real problem, our only problem, the disease we will die from, is sin.  We can't ever be free of it's grip as long as we are here on Earth.  It shows itself in our lives every single day in spite of our best efforts.  Doing good deeds won't cure it.  Building up wealth will not make it disappear.  Attending church will have no effect on its own in making it lessen or go away.  More rest will not help our bodies to fight it more effectively.  It is here to stay.

Our only hope lies in what Jesus did more than 2,000 years ago, long before you and I even had a chance to know Him.  He chose us before we chose him, and He did it because He knew we were utterly hopeless without the help that only He could provide.  He knew that our actions in life to make things right with God wouldn't actually fix the problem (see his interactions with the Pharisees) so He took the only action that would matter in sacrificing Himself on our behalf.

In Romans 8:31-34, the Apostle Paul says this about our condition:

³¹ What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? ³² Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? ³³ Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. ³⁴ Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

The best indicator you and I have that God is for us is by seeing what He did to address our greatest need.  He gave himself up for us, and because of that He is for us.

According to the Apostle Paul, the only indicator of God being for us, and the only one of importance, is that he made and completed a plan to eradicate the effects of this disease from us forever and ever.  We as humans tend to go back to our set of earthly problems though.  We usually say it like this:

• My life isn't as smooth as it should be.  God must be absent.
• I lost (fill in the blank) to death.  I am alone and God is silent.
• Lost my job last week and have no prospect for anything new.  God doesn't care.
• We weren't able to get that (house, car, job, tangible thing) that we wanted.  God knew I wanted that and didn't deliver, so He must be upset with me.

We say these things because we have no understanding of what our greatest need is.  The greatest need you and I have isn't comfort, and the Lord knows that.  In fact, I'd argue that He's not particularly interested in your comfort at all.  The American Church has a very hard time with that concept because our society is so wrapped up in getting comfort for ourselves, but that's a path that actually takes the person further and further from the Lord.  Our greatest need is to be saved from our own sin because there is literally nothing we can do about it on our own.  Someone else, someone perfect, has to intervene on our behalf. 

And intervene He did!  If I take that Romans passage literally, I see a picture of Jesus who not only died for me, but who rose from the dead and sits at the right hand of the Father.  The right hand of a king is the special spot reserved for advisors with special wisdom and influence.  I picture Jesus sitting next to the Father right at this moment, speaking to him about...me.  

"See your servant Paul down there?  I know he was just impatient with his kids.  I'm covering that."

"I know he is distracted and is building his own kingdom at this moment.  I'm covering that too, and will deal with him.  I will show him the new direction he must take."

I'm sure this account of what happens in Heaven doesn't in any way do it justice.  I'll never completely understand how Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit are all part of the same being.  Yet it brings me great comfort that someone up there, someone with supreme influence and authority, is intervening on my behalf.  And it's being done only because He chooses to do it, not by my own merit or activities.  That takes the pressure off me, but even more than that it reminds me of just how much I am loved.

But I am not special.  These things are offered to anyone who will just believe and follow.  When it comes to God's Kingdom, you and I are equals if we will just believe. 

In the next post, we're going to delve into this further, closely examining the reason behind difficulties in our lives.  God has a purpose in those too. 

What God Really Wants for You

 

I love the lamppost that is in our front yard.  The previous owner of our house was British and claims to have brought it over from London at one time.  Apparently it originally lit some street in that great city, probably for many years.

When I see the lamppost it always reminds me of one of my favorite book series, of course by C.S. Lewis, which we now call the Chronicles of Narnia.  In the second book, we are taken into England during World War II when a group of children are sent into the country to flee the German bombing of London and wind up staying in a large old house.  In this house is a wardrobe, and in the wardrobe are a bunch of coats hanging up where they have been for many years.  But during a game of hide and seek, one of the children pushes her way back to the back of the wardrobe only to find that the hanging coats end and she suddenly touches snow-covered tree branches.  She steps out into another world full of strange creatures, forces of good and evil, and a solitary lamppost in the woods.

After convincing her siblings to come with her into this world, they are involved for quite a number of years in freeing this land, Narnia, from the evil witch that has ruled the land for many years and who has maintained winter during her entire reign.  In the end, these 4 children become kings and queens in Narnia and are able to rule through adolescence and into adulthood.  That whole time, the lamppost remained alone in the woods, burning brightly and marking the place where they entered the new land.

In the end, the children, now adults, are on a hunt one day and come across the lamppost that they had forgotten about.  They find themselves clawing their way through a thick stand of brush only to discover that they are now touching coats, and finally they push their way out of an old wardrobe into the same room that they had left seemingly long ago.  However, they quickly find that they are children again and that no time has passed since they left.

To me, our lamppost is a reminder of what the Lord can do in anyone's life.  Like the children, we were going through life doing our own thing only to be enticed into a space that we had never been before, then to discover that it led to a land that we could never imagine.  Like in the story, our lamppost marks the place where God had us land in this new place.  It also is a reminder that, like the children, we may at some point go past the lamppost one last time and be taken somewhere else.  God is allowed to do that, you know.

I'm not saying that I think we will go back to Texas at some point.  I really don't believe that.  For whatever reason, our life there seems to be over, although I know enough now to not state anything about my life with absolute certainty.  I really don't even know what the next hour of my life will be like, so how could I even talk about a distant future?  What I am trying to say is that the Lord might, just might, continue this journey that he's taking us on into a new and different place.

Now, let's return to the original questions.

Why does the Lord ask us to do things?

Why and under what line of reasoning should you and I say yes to what the Lord wants us to do?

To find some answers, we of course have to examine what the Bible has to say about it.

Why did God ask Abram to move his family to a new land?
Why did God ask Abram to sacrifice his son, the one promised to him for about 30 years, on an altar?
Why did God chose Moses, Gideon, Sampson, and David to lead His people?  All were deeply flawed.
Why chose Saul to help establish God's Kingdom after Jesus left the earth?  This guy was a murderer and a zealot.

You and I tend to focus only on the results.  Didn't Saul/ Paul have great leadership capability and zeal?  Sure he did, and he was a good choice for the work.  Didn't David show amazing devotion to the Lord?  Without question.  God Himself even said that David's heart was "one after his own."  Didn't Gideon turn out to be a fantastic military leader.  He was.  Wasn't Sampson a natural leader in his own right?  He was.  Look at all of the people who followed him.  Wasn't Moses humble, and didn't he keenly listen to what the Lord told him?  He did, probably better than most people who have ever lived.

But if you and I stop there, we've missed the whole point.  God doesn't use people because He needs their skill set.  God doesn't actually need you and I at all.  His Kingdom doesn't unravel if someone doesn't do what He says, and He doesn't wring his hands expectantly when you and I are considering whether we will obey or not.  If we make a mistake, a building doesn't crumble in the Heavenly realm, and it doesn't set back the plans for 100 years.

The reason why God does things in you and me, and the reason why He asks you to do things for Him, is...are you ready for this?  Because He wants to be in your life, and wants you to know Him for who He is.

Think about it.  Yes, Moses was used in the single greatest event in the history of Israel, the event that the Lord himself referred back to in the rest of the Bible over and over again. But look at how close Moses got to the Lord during that time.  He spoke to God in a conversational style, in burning bushes, on mountains, in the wilderness.  He got to do that all of the time, and became so close to the Lord that it says that when he died, the Lord himself buried him in a secret place in the mountains.

Look at Gideon.  He was a coward who was hiding from the invading army of people until God gave him a task to fulfill.  He lead armies, and he led a few people who conquered an army of several hundred thousand.  Over that time, Gideon learned to know the Lord and to trust Him with bigger and bigger things.

Look at Saul/ Paul.  The Lord completely turned this guy's life around.  He learned who God really is, learned about His purpose for the world, and followed that path down a road of hardship and pain.  And in the end he was probably one of the most joyful people who ever lived in spite all of the hardship because he knew the Lord so intimately.

You can say the same thing about Abram/ Abraham.  The Lord took him through successively greater tasks and accomplished a much greater purpose for millions of people in the life of this one guy.  But what Abraham would tell you is that he learned to know the Lord during that time.  He didn't even get to experience the end result of God's plan for His people because he died before it came to pass.  But he did get closer to the Lord and in the end was referred to as "God's friend."

My life has so far been patterned after that of Abraham, and that isn't lost on me.  Would God lead me to the Northwest just because He wanted to see if I would do it?  Yes He would.  And He would do it because He has more of Himself for me to discover later.  The first step on a life of obedience to the Lord is obedience right now.  And in just the sheer act of moving here, I'm a lot closer to the Lord than I was several years ago.  Yet I still have far to go with Him.

Be assured that whatever the Lord wants you to do now is more about His relationship with you than it is about what you will accomplish.  What He wants more than anything else is for you to know Him.  You and I have a hard time believing that, but it is true.  He doesn't need you.  Instead, He wants you.  You didn't choose him first.  He chose you first.  You didn't die for Him first.  He died for you first.

Hopefully as you hear the still, small voice of the Lord speaking into your life, you will listen and be curious about Him.  You hopefully will choose to follow simply because the King asked you to follow, not because of the task.  That's what He wants from you and me.  He is on a mission in this world and chooses to invite us to participate in that mission here, but the benefit isn't the number of people who are saved, the good works done, the people loved, or the brokenness healed.  Those things are all beautiful and wonderful, but they can't be pursued as a goal or an end.  No, the benefit in getting to participate in these things is in getting to know the Lord Himself, and that is what He ultimately wants to do in you.

Turning the Other Cheek

 

There are moments in life that I remember pretty vividly.  For someone like me, it is always associated with strong emotions;  some positive and others negative, but always strong.  I had one of those a few months ago while in downtown Everett with my family that, as it turns out, has been a pretty pivotal situation when it comes to how I think about what I've been put here in Everett to do.

We were in downtown for a car show and had a small group from Texas that was with us over the weekend to help us serve at the show.  We try to be out on the streets to get a feel for what's going on in the city and to talk to people so this was for us another opportunity to gain better understanding of the culture we find in downtown.  I highly value time like this whether I get to talk to people or not because it is great time to pray and spend with the Lord.

On that day myself and my kids were wearing our "what is your purpose?" shirts that connect to Purpose Church.  We have found that questions like this are good for starting conversations similar to the one that we posed a couple of years ago, "who is Jesus to you?"  They aren't meant to be offensive and both questions have netted some interesting answers from people.  The Jesus question is interesting because I've found He is many things to many people:  myth, good teacher, prophet, Son of God.  For the purpose question, that's a harder one for people to answer because I think many people just haven't thought about it.

So there I was with my 5 boys, wearing our shirts and enjoying the sunshine and classic cars on a very pretty day in downtown while walking down the sidewalk.  I remember seeing ahead of me that we were approaching some tables outside of a bar where two guys were sitting and watching the parade.  I wasn't paying a lot of attention until the voice of one of the guys interrupted my thoughts.

"You got a purpose?"

I looked up to see one of the men looking at me intently.

I replied pretty quickly.  "Yes, I do have a purpose here but I'm curious about what you have to say?  What would you say your purpose is?"

The man's snide reply also came quickly.  "Want to know what my purpose is?  Here's my purpose."  And he immediately raised his middle finger to me.  "That's my purpose, right there."

Here time stopped.

My five boys were around me at the time and all of them were looking at the man with huge eyes.  They were probably wondering two things:  why did that man do that?  What is Dad going to do?

My mind was frozen.  What do you say in a moment like that?  Why would anyone say this when my kids are right there?

I really don't know what the man was thinking.  It is possible he was drunk.  It is likely he's angry at the world and drowning it at the bar like many people do, attempting to kill an old pain or gloss over an unhealed wound.

I had a few options in that moment and had to make a decision immediately.  Would I start a fist fight with this man who had insulted me and shamed our family?  Would I get into an argument with him and try to convince him that his response was wrong?  Would I passionately argue with him that his worldview was all wrong?  Or, would I let it go?  My kids were waiting to see which option I would take.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in that way," I said.  "Come on boys."  We walked away at that moment as the man sneered at us.

"Dad...why did he say that to you?"

"I...don't know buddy.  I don't know."

I think this guy knew we were members of a church.  It is possible also that he knew we follow Jesus.  I only say that because we've had other cases on the street where there wasn't any other explanation for people's behavior to us.  To follow Jesus and state His name seems to get a rise out of people that is either peaceful or hateful.  There isn't an in-between.

I'm sure many people would read this and come up with a bunch of snappy comments that could have been shot back at the man.  Others would thump their Bible and say "well, why didn't you say this?"  You could probably come up with many different things that could have been said in that moment or things that could have been done, and I'm sure many of your ideas would be good.  But I didn't do those things.  Instead, I walked away.

In that moment I believe I did what was supposed to be done, and said what was supposed to be said.  Remember, my kids were around me when this happened.  While they wouldn't care to admit it publicly, I know enough about them to know that they do observe me and will mimic my actions when their time comes.  Kids do listen to our words, but our actions actually have a larger impact on them than words.  I can say that they shouldn't yell at each other, but if I yell over things they did, they learn that behavior from me.  Alternately, if they see me caring for the broken or the down and out, they probably will do the same more often than if they just heard me talk about it and not take action.

But when it comes down to it, you and I are also children and pay a lot of attention to actions as well.  Are there specific behaviors that your parents did that you yourself now do?  Maybe they had a volatile temper and now you find yourself with that same temper.  Maybe they loved people from all backgrounds and with all skin colors and you do the same now.  We mimic what we see modeled.

And of course the one that I follow modeled this behavior for me.  While I wasn't there to witness Him saying these words or to see him follow them with action as he was slapped, beaten, spit upon, insulted, and abandoned, I know He modeled them perfectly.

 

Matthew 5:38-40  New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’^{[a] 39} But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. ⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.

So it seems that children really do examine and follow the example of our Dads.   

I don't draw attention to this to glorify myself.  Some of you who know me well know that I sometimes struggle with anger.  My first inclination with the man on the street was to do what Jesus did, but for a while after it happened I entertained the idea of going back and giving him a piece of my mind.  Yet it's important to note that this Jesus helped me in the moment to live in the way that I'm supposed to live, and to model for my kids what has to be done in a situation like that.  That's what Jesus does.  He takes a broken vessel like myself and makes it new.  He takes someone with rough edges, faults, and deficiencies and turns them into a new thing.  It's not in a single moment that He does this either.  It takes a lifetime of walking with Him, and He does that for those who follow.

Could the Gospel story have been shared with this man at that moment?  Perhaps.  Could a sermon have been preached in that moment?  Maybe.  Could I have sat down and heard his life story?  It is possible.  However, the purpose of that moment, I believe, was to instruct my kids. 

These days it is hard in American society to behave in the manner that Jesus described, but I believe we are still called to do it.  It is unfortunate that we've not degraded ourselves to the level that we argue about everything.  Disagreements in political philosophies have now turned into discussions of people as "good" or "bad" human beings. Facebook posts get more and more bold, and listening to talk radio and reading blogs only emboldens us to speak in abrasive tones to others because we are right and everybody else is wrong.   Yet Jesus wasn't one to argue.  He had definite feelings about the way things are in this world and He shared those openly, but in moments when He was accused of wrongdoing though He was innocent, He didn't even respond to those charges when given the opportunity to argue.  He saw the uselessness of that, and He was on a mission and determined to complete it.

How about you?  How do Jesus's words impact you, and how will you live differently in this broken world this very week?  What will your actions say about you this week?  Is your allegiance to being right all of the time, or to truth?  Is it with political philosophy, or with God's Kingdom? 

What God Does with Thankfulness

The San Juan Islands viewed looking west toward Victoria, British Columbia.

The Christian life is a difficult life.  It's full of things that are good, and it also is full of things that are not so good.  Anyone who tells you that your life will be vastly more positive when you become a Christian isn't telling the truth.  Often churches will blame the evil one for that work, and sometimes it is because when we align with the Cross, we suddenly get a target on our backs.  But sometimes the trouble can come from the Lord Himself, not because He's trying to get us, but because He's trying to make us more like Himself.  That requires radical surgery to extract the sin from every part of our bodies, and radical surgery is painful.  Recovery takes a long time too.

Lately I've had a very personal battle that parents of adopted kids can all relate to.  We've been dealing with the poor behavior of our adopted kids over and over and over again.  Amanda and I over the years have learned to adapt our disciplinary approach to fit the needs of each kid, so we spend a lot of time teaching good behavior and what that looks like.  Yet in spite of almost 5 years of doing that, we still deal with much of the same misbehavior of these three boys.  It is frustrating to say the least, and in the worst moments it is absolutely baffling.  When you are dealing with someone who knows what they should be doing but who chooses not to do it, it can produce one of many "lose it" moments for a parent.

Saturday I dealt with some of this behavior early in the morning and I let it set the tone for the day.  I usually am someone who is slow to anger, and sometimes slow to cool off, but yesterday I became very angry early on and it endured for the entire day.  The thing I just kept coming back to is that simple idea that the boys know what to do and just won't do it.  I was baffled, dismayed, frustrated, and at the end of my rope.  In one of my two profound monologues to the boys, I told them that I felt that they have spent 5 years taking from me and Amanda and not giving back to anyone.  I told them that there are times where I question whether they care about anyone else in the family.  That honesty, while harsh and direct, is truth that adoptive families can relate to.  Children coming from deep hurt respond in selfishness because they are the only ones that will look out for themselves.

I found myself praying at times during the day and being very honest with the Lord about how I felt.  I've gone through too many years of life thinking that I'd hide my feelings from God as I pray, which is absolute silliness.  He created my physical and spiritual nature, so he surely knows what I'm thinking at any moment in time.  I'm learning to pray honesty during those moments.

Sunday morning I went to the Lord when I woke up and reflected on the relationship He has developed with me.  In the middle of that, I came to Psalm 50.

 ¹⁴ Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,
    and keep the vows you made to the Most High.
¹⁵ Then call on me when you are in trouble,
    and I will rescue you,
    and you will give me glory.”

I thought the psalmist's choice of words was interesting.  We should make thankfulness our sacrifice to God.  

You mean my sacrifice isn't giving more money?  No, in fact in the previous verses the Lord reminds us that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and doesn't need my stuff.  

You mean my sacrifice isn't doing good deeds?  No, He doesn't need my good deeds either.  

You mean my sacrifice isn't in building a new church in the Northwest?  No, He actually doesn't need me to do that work either.  He could appoint anyone to do that work by His Spirit.

So my thankfulness should be my sacrifice to Him.  Why?  That's kind of an odd thing to call a sacrifice.  But thankfulness puts the focus on the Lord and not on me.  For humans, this is a sacrifice because we are all inherently selfish beings due to the sin that has corrupted us.  It's hard to be thankful because it forces us to throw the attention off of self and onto someone that we have absolutely no control over.  It forces us to realize that the meaning of life isn't us at all, and that the universe does not in fact revolve around us.  

To further the point, the Lord develops the thought a little more in verse 15.  

"Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory."  

I read here that trouble is a certainty.  We won't have it all of the time but we will have it and should expect it.  Our calling on Him in trouble turns the focus back to the One that it should be on, Jesus himself.  And in doing that, we are promised rescue from our trouble.  It might be provision to get out of the trouble, or for a situation like mine it might be the grace and the patience to just get through it with a Christlike behavior.  It might be inner peace in the middle of a category 5 hurricane in life.  In the end, the purpose of us calling on Him while in trouble is so that He will rescue us so that we may give Him glory.  That's the thing!  Our trouble produces in us a deeper need for God.  Our deeper need for God makes us turn to Him in our weakness.  Our rescue comes externally from Him, and we in turn can only point to Him as our rescuer.

God's purpose for us is that we might know Him fully.  Our purpose is to bring glory to God.

A view of the Cascade mountains looking east.  In the distance is Glacier Peak, one of the 3 active volcanoes in our area.

As a result of this I spent time that morning writing down everything that I have to be thankful for.  I started with our adventure to the Northwest and all of the things that the Lord provided to get us here.  Never before have I walked so deeply and in trust with Him as I did when we moved.  Our old house hadn't sold, we had no provision for a new house, knew nobody here, and had no real plan.  Yet on day one He provided my closest friend here, a church for us to land in, and a place to stay.  At the time none of it made sense on the surface, which is a hallmark of a situation that requires faith.  The Lord provided.

I also realized how thankful I am for the family I have.  I have a wife perfectly suited to me, am a Dad to boys, and have been given the health and the energy to enjoy all of it.

I also have been given my dream job where I'm allowed to have a Kingdom impact while doing the thing that I love to do and have always dreamed about since entering education.

There's an expansive list of physical comforts the Lord has provided to me.  But it would be wrong to not focus on who the Lord is to me.  He's a best friend in good times and in bad, He cares deeply for us to the point where He prompts people to pray for us at just the right moments.  He has forced me to live at times by faith and not by sight, with the end result being relationship with Himself.  He's the provider of quiet when I need it the most, and the one who speaks to me during those moments.  He is very personal and knows everything about me, and I suspect I have no idea to this day how very personal He is.  He is deeply interested in everything about me, a keen observer, a great Father, and patient instructor.  He is the only one who has never, ever given up on me.  And He never will.

As I reflected on my conversation with the boys this weekend and what I said to them, I quickly was reminded of some fundamental truths about my relationship with the Lord.  Once again, the Lord was teaching me through my children.

• I am adopted into the Lord's family.  He chose me before I chose Him.
• I also have taken from the Lord for years and not been thankful.
• I have looked to my own interests and not thought of the Lord very much.
• I have had many moments when I didn't think of the Lord at all.
• My personal sin has deeply hurt the Lord's heart because it made light of his sacrifice for me.

Since the Lord is my adoptive Father, it seems that the very conversation that I had with the boys could also be had between the Lord and me.  

The difference between him and me is vast.  Yet he is still there teaching, disciplining, and speaking into my life.  That's the God I know.  He is a God who is personal, who desires for me to become more like Him each day, and who actively is working to rid my life of sin.  He never, ever gives up in spite of my stubbornness, and He never will.

Today I offer this sacrifice of thankfulness to my Lord and my God.  This sacrifice for me required time, thought, patience, and deep reflection.  I wasn't able to rush on into the day's activities, or move on to doing something that I wanted to do at the moment.  It was time where I offered praise to the Lord and got to know Him better.  I had to wait and sit at the King's feet.

King David once was offered all of the items that were required for a sacrifice at no cost.  Here's his response, which also should be our response.

²² “Take it, my lord the king, and use it as you wish,” Araunah said to David. “Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and you can use the threshing boards and ox yokes for wood to build a fire on the altar. ²³ I will give it all to you, Your Majesty, and may the Lord your God accept your sacrifice.”
²⁴ But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on buying it, for I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.” So David paid him fifty pieces of silver^[f] for the threshing floor and the oxen.

Sacrifices cost something for you just as redemption of your life cost something for Jesus.  

What sacrifice of praise can you offer to the Lord today?  He doesn't need anything from you that He doesn't already have.  He doesn't require your actions to make things happen.  He doesn't need any of the talents that you possess.  This sacrifice of praise is the offering of your very self, your whole self, to the Creator of the Universe.  

What praise do you have to offer up to the Lord today? 

What the Soul Wants

I've been doing a lot of reading lately about the soul.  If you've read much of the Bible, you probably know that it is mentioned in there.  I guess I didn't realize how often it is mentioned.  If you don't believe me, go ahead and go to an online Bible and search for the word "soul."  You might be surprised about how much is said about it.

The soul of mankind seeks to be in relationship with the Lord above all things.  The soul of course is the spiritual side or dimension of all human beings, and it will endure far beyond the point at which the body fails.  The only real issue in this life is where the soul will be in the next life.  That issue in a nutshell is why we are here in the Northwest: to be concerned about where the souls of the people here will be for eternity.

In the book of Isaiah, the prophet said that "we are all infected and impure with sin."  An infection is the result of the rapid spread of something that doesn't belong in the body.  The body has methods to attack and even destroy the invader, but more often than not the body needs a bit of help to rid itself of the infection.  Rest, medicine, and proper nourishment help in healing.  Yet when it comes to healing of sin, we are unable to do it on our own.  That same passage of Isaiah says that "when we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags."  So even the best, most beautiful, most pure and clean deeds we do are equivalent to a pile of dirty rags or a pile of garbage.  Many in this world sit proudly on top of a dump, picking up pieces of trash to brag about them.

Only One can bring healing to the soul when it has been overrun by life, beaten down by the infection of sin, or overwhelmed by the day's activities.  That One is Jesus, the God behind the "still, small voice" which is easily missed when we are in the normal hurry of modern life.  My soul seeks the Savior.  My body seeks busy and selfishness.

I was fortunate last weekend to travel to Friday Harbor on San Juan Island for a retreat with Amanda.  This town is about 2 hours from Everett;  one hour by car and another hour by ferry.  It is a place that ranks highly in my mind as most beautiful of God's creations.  It is an island full of meadows, pristine rocky shoreline, emerald green water that is crystal clear, and wildlife all around that includes Orca whales and sea lions.  To look anywhere around this place is to see the very hand of God, the works of His creation that were spoken into existence long ago.

I spent so much of my time enjoying the quiet solitude.  Some of the best times were simply staring out the hotel window at the harbor, watching ferries dock and depart.  Others were on a whale watching cruise just watching the water go by.  I talked less on this trip than I probably have in a long time, and I think it worried Amanda a little bit, but in the quiet I enjoyed fellowship with the Lord.  Truly for this time my soul found peace and rest dwelling on seemingly little.

I rediscovered during this time that my heart's desire, the desire of my soul, is the Lord Himself.  I often wish He would appear and speak to me directly, telling me which direction to go now, or, explaining what long-term plan will be fulfilled by me enduring a trial I'm going through now.  But so far that has not happened to me.  I don't think it is because I've done something wrong or because the Lord is incapable of this.  Rather I think it is because His desire is for all of me.  All of my surrender of all of myself in all moments at all times.  The only way for that to happen is through prayer, when I withdraw from the world to spend solitude with this God who, for whatever reason, cares to spend time with me.

In these moments while I'm really thinking about it I feel exposed to Him, as though I just walked into a public place with no clothing on!  I get a more keen awareness of the sin that infects me and become sorrowful in those moments of closeness both that I have sinned, and that I'm the type who continues to sin.  I'm infected like everyone else, and this deep-seated infection is rebellion and betrayal against the one who set me free!  And yet, when I bother to stop like I did this weekend, and spend time with the Lord, strangely I find that He is still there waiting on me.  HE doesn't move at all.  It was I, the sheep too stubborn to rest and too slow to perceive the truth, who wandered some distance away from the Great Shepherd.

This great shepherd cares deeply for all of His sheep.  This vine provides nourishment for the branches.  But sheep need proximity to the Shepherd, and branches need connection to the vine.  There is no other way.

My great learning this weekend is that I need to spend more time with my Shepherd.  I cannot be ashamed that I need Him as much as I do.  My body tells me to pray less so I can go get something useful done, but my soul says the only useful thing is time with the Lord.  Quiet time daily with the Lord is important, but a regular quiet day with the Lord is important because of re-connection I do with the Savior.  I need Him not only daily but hourly and even minute by minute.  My very survival depends on Him.

I now see why Jesus didn't spend every waking moment at work.  He didn't spend all of His time with crowds of people.  He also needed time with the Father to have enough to endure his hour by hour and minute by minute walk here on Earth.  The path is too difficult otherwise.

That leads to you.  How much time do you spend in the presence of Jesus?  How often do you go off alone to pray?  I'm not counting time spent at church as part of that because that isn't personal time.  With that in mind, where do you stand with Him, and what will you do about it tomorrow?  Your soul has a hole in it that can only be filled and satisfied by the Lord.  There is no other way.

The Harder Way

 

Port Gardner Bay as viewed from Rucker Hill in Everett.

When it comes to following Jesus, what does a wide open door look like?  As a Christian, what does it look like when you are walking in the direction that the Savior wants you to walk?  What should you experience as you travel down the correct path?

In churches around the country you will hear people talk about an "open door" that has led them to make a decision about their life.  Usually that open door implies that the path was made easy or obvious to them, so they are following it.  It might be the provision of a new job, an easier way to purchase a new house or rent a new apartment.  It sometimes is the path that leads to another city, church, or ministry.  These open doors imply changes in one's life.

However, we have to return to the question about the door itself and the path that lies just beyond it.  What does that look like?

Here's what the Apostle Paul said about it.

1 Corinthians 16:5-9New Living Translation (NLT)

Paul’s Final Instructions

5 I am coming to visit you after I have been to Macedonia,[a] for I am planning to travel through Macedonia. 6 Perhaps I will stay awhile with you, possibly all winter, and then you can send me on my way to my next destination. 7 This time I don’t want to make just a short visit and then go right on. I want to come and stay awhile, if the Lord will let me. 8 In the meantime, I will be staying here at Ephesus until the Festival of Pentecost. 9 There is a wide-open door for a great work here, although many oppose me.

According to Paul, the wide-open door is one that is guarded by the opposition.  To walk through this door will mean pain, discouragement, threats of death, and mental anguish.  How in the world can Paul describe such a thing as an open-door?

First, we have to distinguish between what the American Church perceives as difficulties and persecution versus what Paul was describing as opposition.  Many in the American Church believe persecution and opposition means that they had a bad day.  Someone said something that they didn't like and it put them in a bad mood for the day.  Or, perhaps they didn't get the parking space they wanted, their coffee wasn't ready when they woke up, they have more bills than money, or their car wouldn't start.  Many in the American Church feel that opposition happens when we don't get what we want when we want.  Surely, they say, this is spiritual opposition!

Paul's experience with opposition was quite different than what our insulated society has ever seen.  Here's what he said.

2 Corinthians 11:24-27  I know I sound like a madman, but I have served him far more! I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. 24 Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. 26 I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not.[c] 27 I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.

Why did Paul experience these trials?  It was because he openly followed Jesus and proclaimed that He is the Son of God, and the society around him didn't want to hear that message.  Yet in spite of being beaten repeatedly, stoned, shipwrecked, and deceived by people who claimed to be followers but in fact were not, Paul kept going.  He must have really believed what he taught about Jesus, because otherwise it would have been easy to turn around and go back home.  He had ample opportunities to do so.

"I got beaten again yesterday and barely survived.  God must not be in this thing."

"Yet another false believer has created division in this church and also hurt my feelings.  Since this keeps happening, I must not be going the right way."

"Another shipwreck?  Really??  My body is so tired!  Maybe it's a sign to turn around.  That I'm pushing too hard."

You don't read any of those words in the Bible, because Paul didn't write them and he certainly didn't believe them.  In fact, Paul indicated in the passage above that his impression of "many opposing me" meant that he in fact was going in the correct direction!

So what insight does Paul give us about open doors as a Christian?  First, open doors indicate a difficult path.  If you have followed this blog very long you might recognize that as a pattern, but you have to look deeper than the surface level.  There was an open door for us to move to Seattle and the Lord was absolutely in it.  The path cleared in a mere 3 months and we were gone.  What we discovered as we crossed the threshold of the open door, however, was difficulty, sorrow, and pain.  A move is celebrated before you make the move, but when you actually arrive and realize your aloneness, and when you experience the spiritual hardness of the new place and the lack of interest in Jesus, the path becomes much more difficult.

Paul actually had a keen understanding of why open doors are the gateway to a difficult path.  In fact, his perspective was quite unique because before becoming a follower of Jesus, he WAS part of the opposition!

Acts 8:2-3

Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen.

A great wave of persecution began that day, sweeping over the church in Jerusalem; and all the believers except the apostles were scattered through the regions of Judea and Samaria. 2 (Some devout men came and buried Stephen with great mourning.) 3 But Saul was going everywhere to destroy the church. He went from house to house, dragging out both men and women to throw them into prison.

Saul, who later changed his name to Paul, was a very zealous and passionate guy.  In his zeal for the Jewish faith, he spent his life chasing people from city to city just so he could arrest them and throw them in prison.  The charges against them?  They proclaimed that Jesus is the Son of God and taught others the same.  Yes, Paul was keenly aware of opposition to the mission of the Church because he led the opposition.  And later, when he met Jesus face to face while traveling to Damascus, he suddenly realized that his participation in the opposition was wrong, and that Jesus really was who He claimed to be.  That changed the entire game for this guy named Saul.

And yet even in the middle of the opposition that Saul was stirring up against the new Church, the Lord was able to use that for good.  If you read further in the same passage, you see this.

Picks up with vs. 4:  But the believers who were scattered preached the Good News about Jesus wherever they went. 5 Philip, for example, went to the city of Samaria and told the people there about the Messiah. 6 Crowds listened intently to Philip because they were eager to hear his message and see the miraculous signs he did. 7 Many evil[a] spirits were cast out, screaming as they left their victims. And many who had been paralyzed or lame were healed. 8 So there was great joy in that city.

You mean to tell me that these new believers who were excited to teach others about Jesus, who were now fleeing for their lives from this guy Saul, actually were experiencing an open door?  Experiencing danger and opposition as a Christian might actually mean the door is open?  On the surface it seems implausible, but then one has to examine the fruit that was produced by this opposition.  Did you see it?

The Gospel was preached because Saul chased them to different cities.

Crowds listened intently to the message.

Evil spirits were cast out.

The sick were healed.

There was great joy in the city.

That's what Jesus is able to do.  He can take bad situations and turn them around for good.  He can take situations that might bring discouragement and turn them into something that brings great joy.  He can actually use things intended for evil and make them turn out for good.  To be clear, I'm sure the believers were not experiencing a cake-walk in their lives at the time.  They probably were tired from constantly being on the run during persecution.  I'm sure they experienced fear that they might be caught.  It is probable that they had moments of discouragement while on the run or hiding.  And yet, they seemed to know what Paul later knew, that there was an open door in their cities to teach about Jesus, and they were actively walking through that open door.

So what can you take from all of this and apply to your life?  We can go to one of the teachings of Jesus Himself for a good summary on that.

Matthew 7:13

The Narrow Gate

13 “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell[f] is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. 14 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.

I have long believed that you can have confirmation on the right way to go about life by observing what the rest of the world does and deliberately traveling in the opposite direction.  The wrong path as a follower of Jesus actually looks like Interstate 10 in parts of Houston.  The road is extremely wide with many lanes and a whole lot of people are going that way.  Don't go down that path.

The path that Jesus describes is one that winds around.  This path probably is steep, and may have thorns that will scratch you as you climb.  This path also is narrow because there aren't many people traveling that way, and it undoubtedly is not well marked.  However, that path leads to the only thing in this life or the next that actually matters, and that is Jesus Himself.  Knowing Him or not knowing Him has dramatic implications for eternity.

 Many American Christians don't really want this kind of religion.  If it's difficult and painful, we want to avoid that sort of thing.  Let me suggest that if that is the case for you, Christianity probably isn't what you want.  There are a lot of other religions out there that claim to be the path to prosperity and success, or inner peace and comfort.  Christianity doesn't claim to be that, in spite of what is preached from many pulpits today.  But know this:  all of those other proclaimed pathways lead to death.  They may make you feel good about yourself now, and may seem easy and right today, but on the day you die, you will realize how wrong you actually were.  And when you make that realization, it will be too late to do anything about it.

C.S. Lewis said it best about what the Lord is actually trying to do in you through the difficulties and persecutions you experience along the way as a Christian.  

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

What the Savior wants to do in you is to make a dwelling place for Himself, that He would live in and through you as you walk the narrow path of this life toward eternity with Him.  That is true love.