Lonely, Yet Not Alone

One thing that never was really emphasized in any of the training I've experienced or in books I've read about living on a mission is the loneliness associated with it.  I'm not sure if there is an underlying assumption in those resources that you are well connected with other people or if you are doing this work in your own community.  Regardless, going to a new place that God told you to go to is a lonely experience.  While our family is not overseas as other families we know are, we might as well be.  Washington is about as different from Texas as you could ever imagine.  That isn't a bad thing, but it is not what we have grown up with and has required a lot of adaptation.

When you move away from everyone and everything you know, in a sense you start over.  One of the more painful realizations I have come to is that life goes on in the place where you left, something I witnessed firsthand on my recent trip to Texas.  People move on.  They make new friends and they get older.  Their kids grow up.  Things are very different, and every time you go back to that place it is as though you've skipped forward in time with a time machine.  In your mind things are the same as they were when you left, but reality hits when you step off the plane and see the city you once knew has grown larger.  Then you run into people you know and they have changed, with new friends, spouses, or children.  Kids that you remember to be small are now almost as tall as you are.  Everything has changed right under your nose.  None of this is bad, but it is a reminder in the moment that things are no longer as they were.

When I have talked to others about moving to the Northwest or some other station that God would post them to, the most frequent reason I've heard for not doing it relates to family.  Most people can't imagine moving away from their family, and doing so is a hard thing to do.  For us we've also experienced the death of many loved ones early on in our marriage.  Amanda has already laid to rest both of her parents, and I have lost my mom.  All of our grandparents are gone.  This has at times heightened our feelings of isolation.

I have found that the holidays are particularly hard times for those who have lost beloved family members.  For some reason that I will never understand, many people seem to die around the holidays.  But even if they don't, holidays are times in which you would have normally gotten together with them, so you tend to reminisce about them and slide into sadness.  And it happens every year.  This happened to me yet again on Christmas day.  While my kids were opening presents and overjoyed at things that they received, I made a gradual slide from anticipation to disgust to anger and finally to sadness.  I had to get out of the house.

As I ran and walked toward Port Gardner, which has become a place of solitude for me during tough moments, I asked God why it had to be this way.  I don't like reliving the death of loved ones or wistfully reminiscing about holiday experiences from long ago.  In those moments it feels like you are at the funeral looking in the casket all over again.  Like the main character from the movie "Groundhog Day," no matter what you do you seem to wake up again and again in that same space.

I found my usual rock to sit on overlooking the water. The harbor had a hovering fog that day with a few breaks into blue sky.  It is always a beautiful and ever-changing spot where I can see the works of the Lord firsthand.  With tears streaming down my face I told the Lord that I missed those times with my family and friends.  I missed the way things used to be and the life we used to have.  And all was still in that moment.  The water was almost perfectly flat and there was barely a breeze.

The view over Port Gardner in Everett, looking toward Whidbey Island.

In that moment, some things popped into my head that I think the Lord was helping me with.  First and foremost, the gentle reminder that those things I remember were wonderful and beautiful experiences with family.  I will have those memories as long as I'm alive.  Yet those moments won't come back no matter what I do to make them come back.  Move back to Houston?  Nope.  That doesn't change the fact that many of the people in my memories have passed away.  Nor does it deal with the absolute fact that the Lord wants our family here.  Fly back for a visit?  While that is always a wonderful experience, if I have the expectation that things will be the same as they were I will be crushed with disappointment. 

Several other things were established in my mind during that quiet time by the frigid water.  The Lord reminded me that while I'm away from many loved ones and feeling lonely, I am not alone.  I have never been alone.  Everywhere I have been and everywhere I'm going to be is where He is.  Psalm 139 captures it beautifully:

I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
¹²     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

In John chapter 1 Jesus also gave voice to his ability to be in all places at all times.  He was walking with one of the disciples, Philip, and they were approaching a man that Philip had talked to about Jesus, imploring him to come meet this unique individual.
 
⁴⁷ As they approached, Jesus said, “Now here is a genuine son of Israel—a man of complete integrity.”
⁴⁸ “How do you know about me?” Nathanael asked.
Jesus replied, “I could see you under the fig tree before Philip found you.”

In that moment, I needed to know that I was seen while sitting on that lonely rock.  And I was seen, and heard, and seen through like a pane of glass in that moment.  

Many people here would probably explain this away by saying that, yes, many places in Puget Sound are beautiful and can help you to clear your head.  While I don't disagree with that statement on the surface, it tends to spotlight the blindness that so many people here have.  They worship the created rather than the creator.  What I experienced on that day was the presence of the Lord Himself, just like I experienced that same presence in India on a rooftop overlooking a very dirty city, and similar to what I experience in my own study at home during morning quiet times.  It isn't necessarily the place that is special.  Rather, it is that I went off to a place to be alone with the Lord, and He was there.

1 Kings 19:12b-13 And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

What I can easily forget is that the Lord is not only present, not only accessible, but is extremely personable.  The One who sees me as I go from place to place knows me fully.  He sees through my exterior and knows me better than I know myself.  And knowing someone like that requires incredible love.  Life-changing love.  Earth-shattering love.  One person can't study another to that great a depth without loving them. 

It isn't easy or fun for me to share these things openly, but I do that for a purpose.  Some of you may be experiencing the same things I have.  You've lost loved ones and find yourself grieving over them with every birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or other holiday.  Or, you may feel as though you are all alone in this life, knowing many people but not really having friendships with them.  You may have had a bad experience from your past that took you off the narrow road leading to the Lord and you've been on the wide road to destruction for some time, cynical about God, angry at life, hurt by others, and unable to move on.  

The best news out there is that the Lord loves you still, waits for you with open arms, is compassionate in forgiveness.  No matter where you go, He is there watching you.  Not as a security guard or a stalker or thundercloud ready to zap you with a lightning bolt when you do wrong, but as one who loves you more than anyone has loved you and who wants above all things for you to live in relationship with Him.  You are His beloved all of the time.

With this in mind, I encourage you to do as I was able to do.  Go find a quiet place away from people and pour out what is on your heart to the Lord.  He will listen and will not condemn.  Previously I have made the mistake of taking things like this to my spouse, but that is wrong.  While they might be able to listen, they can't deal with things like the Lord can.  There's a reason the Bible implores us to "cast our cares (anxieties) on him."  It's because He wants us to do that.

Know that just because you are loved like that does not mean things will be easy in life.  Loved ones will still die.  Tragedy will still strike.  People will disappoint you.  You will experience frustration and failure.  While He wants what is best for you, He knows that what is best for you isn't always comfort.  In fact, it frequently is not comfort that He will bring to your life.  But each of those situations can bring you closer to the One who loves you, and can be used to give you a life of fulfillment, joy, and excitement in Him.  

As you experience those things in your life, remember that you have not been abandoned.  You don't walk on an empty road by yourself.  

You may feel lonely in that moment, but you are not alone.

Sharing the Message in a Sophisticated Society

Our society is one of sophistication.  We know a lot of things, we own a lot of things, we investigate a lot of things, and we believe a lot of things.  We are rich beyond the wildest dreams of most people in this world.  The things we construct nowadays are amazing monuments to human ingenuity, including buildings and bridges and extending to powerful computers we can put into our pockets.  We have it all.

In a society that is so sophisticated and is learning all of the time, it is not easy to be a witness for Jesus.  It isn't that the message has changed.  Rather it is that the message falls on more and more deaf ears.  Why do I need Jesus when I can purchase my happiness in periodic chunks?  Why do I need Jesus when I have so many things to do that I can do on my own?  We are wealthy, insulated, and above all things cynical.  And ultimately our society is both blind and deaf spiritually.

The Apostle Paul lived in a sophisticated society when he wrote both of the Corinthian letters in the New Testament.  Corinth was a city of sophistication which was a major point of world and regional trade.  Paul was a guy who worked to support himself, bragging at one point that no one else supported his ministry financially.  He considered sharing the message with others a privilege and loved that he was able to do it for free.  To do this, however, he likely had to work long hours making tents, awnings, and perhaps even sails for ships.  I imagine him having a space in the marketplace of the time, which put him right in the middle of all of the activity in his city.  He likely used his space to share the Gospel message with many in the marketplace.

But Paul lived in a skeptical society just like we do here in America.  Sharing the message while living among people who think they have things figured out can be a very tough road.  Paul understood that, and he commented on it this way:

2 Corinthians 4
³ If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing. ⁴ Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.

That means that we need new methods, right?  Perhaps a new way of sharing the message.  More training perhaps.  Maybe the ways in which the message about Jesus and what He did for us is no longer relevant, or needs to be dressed up a bit to make it appealing to our society.  But Paul continued his earlier thought by stating that in the midst of all of this, his message stayed focused on Jesus.

⁵ You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

It is unfortunate that so many churches and ministers have gone the opposite way, spending huge chunks of time making the message about themselves, and making their church into self-help seminars.  It isn't supposed to be this way, and Paul called out those in his own time who were doing that same thing.  The churches that did things that way were plain to see, much like the churches that advertise themselves now by using the pastor's name or picture.  The message became the person and not Jesus.

So if it isn't about any new method of sharing, how do we do it?  Paul gave us his usual keen insight.
 
⁷ We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.^[b] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

Here are some things I know from my limited experience in making things made out of clay:

• It is made up of tiny particles of dirt and materially has no value.  You or I could go to any river and find more clay for free with nothing but our hands to work with.
• Clay pots can't be recycled as glass can.  If you break a coffee mug, for example, it is forever broken.  It is good for nothing other than to be thrown away.
• Clay is easily replaceable.  

So Christians are just like clay pots.  By ourselves, we are ordinary.  We are cracked and chipped, and ultimately on our own have no real value.  We are more like a Solo cup than a gold goblet.  Yet we contain in us a treasure of monumental value.  Why would the Lord choose to put His amazing treasure in such a container?

The treasure is placed in this fragile, worthless, and ordinary clay pot of me and you because the message is about the treasure, not about the pot.  The treasure shines more brightly out of the ordinary container.

One great secret of the Christian life that few Americans seem to understand these days is that the life is not at all easy.  Your life is improved with Christ in it, but it is not made easier.  Amazingly, your circumstances make less sense as a Christian than they did before you believed.  There are more pressures, more testing, more difficulty and more moments of anguish.  Each of those moments develops cracks in us, the ordinary clay pot.  And as more and more cracks develop, the treasure shines through the cracks and becomes more and more evident.  

It isn't that we become stronger over time.  Instead, we may become weaker, which paradoxically allows Jesus to shine more brightly than ever before.  And with time it also becomes more obvious that the clay pot is only being held together by God's Spirit.  When this becomes evident to everyone around you, there we find the point of it all.  Jesus uses the weak, the unable, the impossible person, to shine His light through that person.  The message is about the treasure, not about the pot. 

2 Corinthians 4:7b- This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
  
I believe that the most effective way to share the message in our sophisticated society is by living as the broken and ordinary vessels we are and allowing the treasure of Jesus to shine out of our lives.  People should see us living in radical obedience to the commands of Jesus.  They should see His love and His life shining out from us, even in difficulty and in spite of difficulty.  What I'm describing is not a joyless existence where the person is frowning all of the time, crushed by their burdens.  Instead what I'm describing is a person who is only held together by the Lord's Spirit, who presses on because the Lord Himself is empowering them to trudge with one foot in front of the other.  The person doing this is doing it because they love the Lord so very much and have complete understanding that He loves them to a degree that could never be measured.  Knowledge of such love always seeps out of us in our actions and words.  It can't be faked.

So live your life in front of others in this kind of radical devotion.  Let the light of Jesus shine through your cracks.  Let others see you as ordinary and weak.  Then, the treasure within will undeniable.  The message is about the treasure, not the container that the treasure is in.